This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2014, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.

For about a year, one of the Tavaputs Ranch cowgirls had Sonny and me pegged as a gay couple. We're partners, but it's not like that.

It made sense to Gail from Tennessee, though. Sonny and I always show up at the ranch together, sleep in the same cabin, and often speak to each other in the conspiratorial tone of two guys up to something.

Eventually someone told Gail that we were just friends. Good friends, but not THAT good. Then she was embarrassed.

"Y'all get along so well I just figured you were lovers," she said. "Not that it's any of my business."

Had we known of her initial suspicions, Sonny and I would have helped perpetuate them by sitting closer together, holding hands and making goo-goo eyes across the dinner table.

Not anymore. It's too dangerous. Thanks to the U.S. Supreme Court, some think we're one step closer to the day a loving but fed-up Heavenly Father peels back the sky and sets us all on fire.

OK, not everyone. Only people who've been truly evil or just plain lazy are supposed to get cooked. After all, what's the point of behaving yourself if you're going to get burned anyway?

But someone has to get it. As near as I can tell, it's people like me, Sonny, Muslims, child abusers, robbers, Jews, thieves, Democrats, broccoli farmers, harlots, and the absolute bottom of the iniquity barrel — same-sex couples in love.

That's right. Now that gay people are legally entitled to get married in Utah, things should spin out of control almost immediately. Brace yourselves for the great apocalypse. It's going to get ugly.

You know what I think will happen? Nothing.

Some more people will get married, settle down, and continue doing with their lives exactly what we didn't notice they were doing before.

In short, if gay marriage hadn't been harped about by people opposing it, 99 percent of the rest of us wouldn't have noticed the world getting darker. The two men or two women living together down the street might seem a little happier, but that's about it.

But now that we do know, what are we supposed to do with these deliberate provocateurs of the Second Coming? How should we treat people who could likely get us killed in the crossfire between them and a furious God?

According to LDS General Conference, we're to treat them the way we should have been treating them in the first place — with love.

"We should love all people, be good listeners, and show concern for their sincere beliefs," said Elder Dallin H. Oaks. "Though we may disagree, we should not be disagreeable."

What a novel idea.

OK, that was a little sarcastic. I couldn't resist it given how many of us need reminding that treating people with respect and love is the basis of the [insert appropriate faith here] "love one another" principle.

I have no idea what actually happens when the moment of judgment comes. It's enough that I struggle to behave myself so that I won't get caught too short if and when it happens. How other people might fare is none of my business.

I can, however, appreciate the irony of getting damned because I got a little too zealous telling other people why I was positive that it was going to happen to them.

Robert Kirby can be reached at rkirby@sltrib.com or facebook.com/stillnotpatbagley.