This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2014, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.

Another assault on LDS Church protocol is being planned for October's General Conference Priesthood session. It's sneakier this time.

Rather than the frontal assault tactics used in the past — like showing up at the Tabernacle and asking to be allowed into the male only meeting — Ordain Women has decided to infiltrate local indigenous populations instead.

They'll be sneaking up on local stake centers and demanding entrance to the male-only viewing of the live broadcast from Temple Square.

When I heard this news, I was immediately seized by a sense of righteous indifference. But after I calmed down, I took a moment to spiritually inquire and confirmed that it's really none of my business.

There was a time in LDS Church history when we had a way of countering threats to our well-being and other stuff. We had an army.

Yes, an army with guns. Maybe there's only one way to resolve this Ordain Women problem. The church needs to call out the Nauvoo Legion.

The Nauvoo Legion hasn't been an issue for a long time. It was a military unit formed in 1840, in the state of Illinois, to defend Mormons from mob attacks.

At its peak the Nauvoo Legion was the largest standing army in that area of the country, numbering approximately 5,000 men (no women). It was so impressive an organization — shiny buttons, fancy uniforms, excellent marching — that even some non-Mormons joined it.

Joseph Smith was the Legion's commanding officer, a lieutenant general. Having a huge militia at his personal disposal did him little good. He was murdered in 1844 by members of another Illinois militia.

The Legion was disbanded by Illinois but elements of it came to Utah and became the territorial militia here. Members of it formed the Iron County militia, which committed the massacre at Mountain Meadows.

Members of the Legion also formed the Mormon Battalion during the war with Mexico, marching from Iowa to Southern California, a hell of a hike by anyone's definition. This time they only shot some cows.

My great-great-great-grandfather Korihor Kirby was a Legion private until he got fed up guarding some apostle's horse and deserted in 1864. There were allegations that he took the horse with him, but that was never proven.

Never mind the history lesson. The point is that Mormons used to have our own army/militia to rely on in times of threat. We might still have one. You don't know.

Neither do I. If the Nauvoo Legion still exists in some secret or dormant state, all I know is that I've never been asked to join it.

I would tell you if I had been. Nothing fits a newspaper column better than the secret doings of people who think they're being clever.

Anyway, if the Nauvoo Legion is biding its time for another moment when the church requires business conducted by force of arms, it could be this Ordain Women thing.

With a single code word or phrase, thousands of Mormon men (and some non-Mormon ones) would muster at their local stake centers. They would keep priesthood-less women outside at bayonet point, thereby solving a simple problem by making it worse.

I should probably go look for my musket.

Robert Kirby can be reached at rkirby@sltrib.com or facebook.com/stillnotpatbagley.