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I have deliberately avoided the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. In part because I don't like fads driven by social media, and also because I was deeply suspicious about where the money was actually going.

Lots of organizations take your money and then spend the majority of it on stuff other than fixing the problem: executive perks, promotional trips, office snacks, etc.

For example, it's a well-known fact that F.A.M. (Foundation for Ape Modesty) solicits donations to purchase pants for jungle apes. But did you know that only 1 percent of the money collected goes toward actual pants?

The vast majority of the funds collected by F.A.M. goes to the medical care and rehabilitation of the workers who try to put those pants on the apes.

Anyway, I wasn't about to let somebody dump ice water on me just so the ALS executives could get bigger Christmas bonuses and travel first class to exotic locations for board meetings.

Then I started checking. Turns out the rumor that 75 percent of the nearly $100 million collected through the Ice Bucket Challenge isn't squandered on non-ALS related stuff. Here's the link: http://bit.ly/1qYCded.

Even so, I still wasn't about to have ice water poured over me for the sake of promoting funding for a worthy cause. Why not just give them the donation and leave out the part where my pants fill up with ice?

My daughters and grandkids started chiding me for my lack of courage. I was a wimp. I couldn't take it. Children were braver than I was. What happened to the grouch who goes outside every Christmas Eve and fires at the sky hoping to hit Santa?

I tried to explain what a bunch of stupid nonsense it was to have ice water dumped over me. Risking a heart attack made no sense.

Me: "It's a dumb stunt thought up by idiots looking to occupy dim minds with an infantile prank."

Daughter No. 3: "Wait, isn't that exactly what you do for a living?"

Hmm, she had me there. The last barrier to help push for more research into a cure for ALS is gone. Is it a worthy cause? Yes. Is everyone else doing it? Pretty much. Will I get over it? Probably.

I'm willing to undergo the dousing if it's the right person. It has to be someone I trust, someone who doesn't harbor a reason to get even with me.

This automatically excludes all my co-workers (especially my editor), anyone in my neighborhood, anyone related to me by blood, and most definitely my wife.

I've come up with a short list. Pick who you think should dump ice water over me for ALS and I'll see if they're willing. Keep in mind, some of these people have a certain amount of self-respect. They could say no. Here we go.

Shauna Lake, KUTV Channel 2 news anchor (and not Mark Koelbel).

Any LDS general authority (First Quorum of the Seventy and above).

Sonny Dyle, fellow gunner and lunatic (but definitely not his wife either).

Karlie Major, Miss Utah 2014

Opposing football coaches Kyle Whittingham and Bronco Mendenhall.

Student body presidency of my alma mater, Skyline High School.

When we settle on who my assailant will be, we'll get it on video. Hopefully I won't scream.

Read this story at sltrib.com to vote in an online poll, or you can send votes to Robert Kirby at rkirby@sltrib.com or facebook.com/stillnotpatbagley.