In her own words: Susan Cox Powell wrote of fear in emails

Crime » Emails of missing woman paint portrait of a deeply troubled relationship.

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The two wanted to make a life for themselves outside of the influence of Steve Powell, who Susan felt had too much say in his adult son’s life, friends and family of Susan have said. Josh became more distant from his wife the more he talked with his father, they have said, and she sought to reconnect with the husband she dated and fell in love with.

"As I was soundlessly crying myself to sleep last night I told him kind of desperately, ‘now is the time you can say nice things to me’ so he said in a tired/bored (voice) ‘thanks for helping me clean my office and stuff,’ " she wrote on July 11, 2008. "… then he kind of bumped me and I said as a hopeful suggestion ‘are you trying to hold my hand?’ and he muttered something not audible and then a little bit later I held his hand for awhile until he pulled away."

Flipping through the emails at her home last week, Susan’s best friend Kiirsi Hellewell sighed quietly while reminiscing about Susan’s tortured words.

Hellewell, who was included on some of the emails provided to The Tribune, has her own stash of messagesfrom Susan, the majority of which she has kept private so far.

She’s considering releasing some emails in the future, to show the difficult situation in which Susan lived and give a glimpse into the joyful side of her friend’s personality, outlined in lighter, humourous notes sent to friends.

Hellewell and others hope the May 7 trial of Susan’s father-in-law, Steve, who is charged with pornography and voyeurism, may help solve what happened to Susan on the 2009 night she disappeared. Hellewell clings to her friend’s emails, wishing things had turned out differently.

For now, the emails and memories are all she has.

"Had I known what would happen, I would have kept everything she ever sent me," Hellewell said. "Even the short, funny things."

mrogers@sltrib.com

Twitter: @mrogers_trib

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