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Dear Carolyn • One of my best friends since childhood announced her engagement to her on-again-off-again, abusive, freeloading, alcoholic boyfriend. She left him last year after he nearly killed her and she made some headway in life, but ultimately returned to him. She knows exactly how I feel about him, which is probably why I was the last to find out about her engagement. I don't even know how to go about feigning a "congratulations." I pretty much know the drill ... if I don't support her, I lose a friend. And if I do support her, I'll feel as if I'm aiding and abetting a really bad decision.

No Win Situation

Dear No Win • Don't feign; that dishonors the friendship. Please also see that "I lose a friend" is not the serious consequence here. Withdrawing means she loses the lifeline you are to her. So be honest but steadfast: "I won't BS you — you know how I feel. Please also know I want you to be happy, and am here for you when you need me. However, whenever."

Dear Carolyn • I'd be interested in hearing your take on the age-spread dating rule of not dating anyone younger than half your age plus seven. I know there are exceptions to every rule, but I also know that wherever these truisms come from, there is usually some reality and meaning behind them. If it helps, in this case, the woman is in her 20s and the man in his 40s. The woman is not mature for her age; rather, if anything, the opposite. Haven't met the man, but he has never been married and has no kids. I'm trying to be vague so as to not to flavor the question. Obviously, staying in or getting out of this relationship is a decision that she needs to make. I'm just hoping for some light-shedding.

Curious

Dear Curious • My take is that you're trying to find a number to back you up on your objection to the man your daughter — right? — is dating. If this 20-something is happy, then embrace that and back off. You'll get the best results if you listen to her and respect her autonomy, and the worst results if you preach as if her life would be best lived as you envision it should.

Carolyn Hax's column runs Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.