Colbert • "I was just over in Rome. Amazing. One thing I didn't care for was St. Peter's [Basilica]. It was so crowded with people hoping to catch a glimpse of this new pope. Why do you think this guy is drawing crowds?"
Dolan • "Well, he's down to earth, he's simple, he's sincere — what you see is what you get."
Colbert • "But he's not wearing the gold, he's not in, like, the big golden throne. You know, when I put my buck in the collection plate on Sunday, that's for production values. I want to see 'Iron Man 3' production values when I go."
Dolan • "Well, whatever he is or is not wearing, it sure seems to be doing well popularity-wise. He's marketing the message, he's marketing in the best sense of the word. We say evangelization. But, boy, he's a pro at it, isn't he?"
Colbert •"Yeah, yeah — marketing like Matthew, marketing Luke and John.
Colbert •"I tell you another thing I got a problem with — and I hate to make you answer for the guy you did or did not vote for — but he also said, he was asked about homosexuals, he said: 'Who am I to judge?' You are the pope to judge! But aren't we supposed to? What is a declaration of sin or no sin except judgment?"
Dolan • Yeah but we can never judge persons. We can judge actions. But we can't judge persons. Jesus told us that. So he's repeating the timeless teaching of the Bible that we can never judge another human being. I can't judge Bernie Madoff. I don't like what he did. I can judge the actions. But I couldn't judge his heart or soul.
Colbert • "But I'm a pundit. If I don't judge someone, I don't get a check."
On the chance of Pope Francis retiring and the conclave choosing a new pope:
Colbert • "I hope it's someone I'm more simpatico with. If you were to be named pope, which name would you choose?"
Dolan (after a long pause) • "Stephen."