Dear Carolyn • My wife insists that we split our housework 50-50 and she thinks it's sexist of me to resist that. I feel like since I do way more than 50 percent of a lot of other things — I work longer hours, make more money, spend way more time with her family than she spends with mine, etc. — it's unfair for housework to be the one thing that gets split 50-50. Do you think housework has to be split evenly?

50-50 Split

Dear 50-50 Split • Contributions to your household, as a whole, should be split as close to 50-50 as possible without bean-counting. So, suggest you and your wife make a list of what it takes to keep your marriage and household running — everything from earning money, buying and cooking food, cleaning house, maintaining connections with family and friends, keeping a calendar, etc. Then see whether the current division of labor is fair. Also make sure you agree on the "currency" you're using; is it time, value, money, effort? Also explore why you're both acting as adversaries, versus teammates.

Dear Carolyn • My brother and his wife had a daughter 16 months ago. My whole life I've been certain I didn't want children. But I LOVE my niece. She's changed my mind entirely on the issue. I've been with my girlfriend for five years, and she was OK with my no-children stance, but not as certain as I was. We are getting married this winter, and I was wondering what your advice would be on my bringing up my change of heart? It seems a bit unfair, like a bait-and-switch, even if that wasn't my intent.

Game-Changer

Dear Game-Changer • Changes of heart happen. They become unfair when you withhold them, spin them, lie about them, or act on them without communicating openly with a partner. Tell her, NOW, what you said here, and see where it takes you. However, make sure you prepare yourself for the fact that your child will be relentless — you can't just hand your baby back to your brother and leave. Your baby also will be a completely different person. The one thing that doesn't vary is how badly they need their parents to love them as they are.

Carolyn Hax's column runs Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.