Dear Carolyn • Partner A works long hours outside the home. Partner B is a stay-at-home parent. Weekend rolls around. Partner A wants to spend one day on a personal hobby/activity that would involve interactions with good friends, but not family. B wishes A would spend time with family instead. Partner A deserves time to unwind after working so many hours during the week, but B also deserves a break from near-constant single parenting. Obviously this is not a unique situation, so why does this feel like such a battle with us, repeated ad nauseam?

Weekend Duties

Dear Weekend Duties • Because Partner A is apparently insistent upon blowing off family, that's why. Yes, P.A. deserves time to unwind, but: not for an entire weekend day; not at the expense of P.B., who also deserves unwinding time from working crazy hours; and not at the expense of the kids, who will soon see right through P.A.'s absentee parenthood, if they don't already. So, to meet all needs: Partner A gets one weekend day a month for the hobby. That, plus one weekend morning sleep-in, one weekly night out with Partner B courtesy of a standing arrangement with a sitter, and, where possible, a few hours solo each weekend. Tweak to suit. Deal?

Dear Carolyn • My spouse hates his/her job and I have no idea how to be patient. I don't enjoy mine, either, and it seems all my spouse wants is for me to listen to constant complaints. I find myself getting more and more angry. Help.

How to Deal

Dear How to Deal • The first and possibly hardest step in a situation like yours is to stop seeing this as your spouse's failure to suck it up. Instead, try seeing it more constructively, as a difference between your spouse's coping method and yours to the same problem. The ultimate goal is lofty — mutual respect and empathy — but don't be afraid to get there by a distinctly earthy path, such as a daily, 30-minute get-it-out-of-your-system complaint window Life at the end of your tethers is hard for you both, yes, but those other three little words — "I get it" — have magic in them too.

Carolyn Hax's column runs Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.