Dear Carolyn • My wife is a doctor, and I am a freelance writer. People frequently say things like, "Must be nice to have a wife who can support you." I make quite a bit more money than my wife but people assume she’s supporting us both. So, do I correct people’s assumptions? I’ve tried a couple of retorts like, "It’s nice being married to my wife for non-financial reasons" or, sarcastically, "Yep, the only reason I stay with her is for the money," but I’m wondering if I should just let people assume.

Should I let it go

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Dear let it go • I think it’s hard to let ignorant assumptions go unchallenged, especially those steeped in bias and served with a side of smug — but I also think there’s no victory to be had, moral or factual, in rewarding butters-in. That means neither of the two most tempting responses, correcting people or looking wounded, serves you well.

Dear Carolyn • My parents are very kind, loving people who believe it’s rude to speak up for themselves. If relatives come through town and want to stay a night or two in their home, my parents allow them to, and cook all the meals for their guests as well. One relative makes rude comments to my mother about her décor or the food, which makes Mom cry. I, however, do believe in telling people when they’ve said something I think is offensive, and am afraid of embarrassing my parents when I speak up for them. Is there a polite way of telling someone their comments are hurtful without causing bad feelings or mortifying my parents?

In defense of kind parents

Dear In defense • "When I speak up for them"? In other words, is there a way to make this about you that appears gallant? This relative sounds awful, I do sympathize, and I don’t think you mean to be selfish. Yet your impulse "in defense of" your parents is just that. You know what your mother wants, don’t like it, and are looking for loopholes. There aren’t any. But just as it’s your parents’ right to take this relative’s abuse (and the resulting tears), it’s your right to stand up to it.

Carolyn Hax’s column runs Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.