Dear Carolyn • I’m in a bit of a pickle. I recently signed a deal with a large publishing house to write a technical book for them. I’m super-jazzed, and I’ve told pretty much everyone about it ... but I’ve left out my mother. Why? Well, she has a downer way of looking at anything I get interested in. She told a young me, at 7, that even though I was good at art, I better do something else with my life, or I’d starve. (Who says that to a second-grader!?) When I got interested in computers, she said I probably wouldn’t be able to pick up a new language every other year. She doesn’t understand why I want to play with circuit boards on my weekends rather than go shopping with her. (I. Have. Enough. Sweaters.) Anyway, her negative attitude often sucks the enjoyment out of what I was doing, and it takes forever to get that momentum back. I can’t afford to be down for a week or two when I have a deadline. But ... what do I do when/if the book is published? She’ll be hurt, since she sees us as super close, and I am beginning to see the fallout could be nasty. Any thoughts on waiting? Fessing up? Soothing words?

D.C. Writer

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Dear D.C. Writer • When do you want your pain — now or later? I’m hoping a technical writer will appreciate that useful words are often the most soothing ones. You say you "can’t afford" to lose two weeks (!) of your allotted writing time, and if that’s true then your decision has already been made: write book, tell mom, duck. But neither of your givens is a given, I suspect. You already know that your mom will be negative, and that expecting, hoping, asking, whatevering her to be different won’t work. And yet you’re ready to write as-is, no? In other words, you’re apparently in fine writing form now, fully aware that your mom will shoot holes in your accomplishment — so why would actually hearing her negativity change anything? If you’ve tried to downsize Mom to no avail then, OK, just write. Write until your momentum gains the strength to withstand even Mom. Then say, "Hey Mom, I’m writing a book." You can even decline to provide details with, "It’s not a sure thing yet, so I’ll tell you as soon as it is" — and tell her as soon as it is.

Carolyn Hax’s column runs Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.