Dear Carolyn • When is it OK to ask a partner to change a behavior to make you happy, and when does it cross a line? My partner and I are discussing this honestly and caringly because we have some differences in how we prefer to be treated, and while we both want to make each other happy, we aren’t sure of the line between compromise and changing our "selves" (whatever that is!).

Communicating

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Dear Communicating • As long as you’re kind, straightforward and willing to treat the other’s needs as equal to your own, then it’s OK to ask a partner to treat you a certain way. The partner can then say no, or try to accommodate you and see how that goes. Then either one of you can say it’s not working and suggest something else. There’s no one formula to it, there’s just seeing what you create together and how each of you feels as a result — and taking care to avoid needless collateral damage.

Dear Carolyn • Help! I’m dating a great guy and I’m worried about sabotaging this 2-month-old relationship. He works with his ex (dated a year), and I can’t seem to shake concerns they’ll get back together. I dissect our dating until it pops up in conversation with him. He assures me that he likes me, that there isn’t anyone else and that we’re more than OK. How can I just let go and enjoy this amazing guy?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous • You can’t control whether he reunites with his ex, so that’s not a productive thing to dwell on. Instead, try steering your thoughts to what you would do if they did rekindle things. Chances are, you’d have a stunned-sick-feeling phase, a crying-and-ice-cream phase, an I-hate-this-guy phase, and a phase where you decide you’re sick of being sick about a guy you dated for a matter of months. Then you start noticing it doesn’t hurt as much, and you even periodically forget to think about him. You’ll even get your laugh back. In other words, if you’re in a healthy emotional state, then you’ll take a hit but bounce back. So, is that really something worth fearing at the cost of your enjoyment of now?

Carolyn Hax’s column runs Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.