McEntee: A decision to die | The Salt Lake Tribune
McEntee: A decision to die

Mike Match was so methodical. He’d compiled pages of notes on what he needed to do. He had put his affairs, including his life insurance policy, in order. He’d written 25 letters to people he loved.

And he made a 14-minute video for YouTube explaining why he was about to take his own life, which he did, on May 3. He was 37 years old.

His sister says he might have been depressed over the course his life had taken, although he’d never showed it and probably would never have acknowledged it.

If he were depressed, he wouldn’t be alone; untreated depression is the No. 1 cause of suicide.

Mike was a highly intelligent, passionate man who loved politics and philosophy, literature and the arts. He’d been a high school theater star, mastered his beloved Les Paul guitar and studied filmmaking. He was a committed atheist.

He’d worked as an eBay analyst, which, his obituary said, took him all over the world.

But, as Mike said in his video, “I’ve decided I’ve just had enough of life.

“Life is suffering, that’s it. There’s no winning,” he said. “We’re only frightened animals searching for ways to survive.”

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He spoke of torment, anguish, of being overwhelmed. “I feel all the little things a little harder than other people do, I suspect.”

And, true to his character, he’d planned it out. He would put no one else at risk, and he would call the police just beforehand so they would be able to find him.

May 3 was a Monday, and Mike had decided to enjoy the weekend with good food, relaxation and the company of people he loved.

“More time wouldn’t have changed anything,” he said. “You know we all die in the end, right? It’s no great tragedy.”

And, despite his lack of religious faith, he muses that it would be nice if there was something that remains after death, “but I sincerely doubt that. I suspect I will just end, and that will be that.”

But it isn’t the end for those he left behind. They grieve, and search for explanations, as does everyone affected by a loved one’s decision to die.

His sister, Tara Match, believes her brother might have done well to stick with filmmaking or some other way to find creative fulfillment.

“He lived life too safely,” she said. “He was cut out for big things.”

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Peg McEntee
At a glance

Suicide prevention resources

For a list of warning signs, go to www.suicide.org.

If you need help, or know someone who does, call 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433).

Learn more about prevention at www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

In addition, the Utah Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI) and the University of Utah’s Caring Connections offer suicide survivors grief support.

Reach NAMI at www.namiut.org and click on the “Inform yourself” tab.

For Caring Connections, you can reach its director, Katherine Supiano, at katherine.supiano@hsc.utah.edu.

This is the second in an occasional series. To read the first column, go to www.sltrib.com/mcentee

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