In Islam, it's a well-known hadith — or statement of the prophet.

A man once approached Muhammad to ask whom to honor most. The prophet replied, "Your mother." The man then asked, "Who next?" The prophet again replied, "Your mother." He again asked, 'Who next?' and the prophet gave him the same answer.

But the fourth time he asked, the prophet answered, "Your father."

Traditionally, Muslim dads head up their households and are responsible for supporting their families and helping to teach their children about life and Islam as they grow older.

Sometimes portrayed as unyielding disciplinarians, many American Muslim fathers say the opposite is true. Yes, many expect their children to pray and abstain from dating, alcohol and pork, but they try to lead by example rather than force. Above all, they aim to rear good people.

In Islam, every day is supposed to be Father's Day and Mother's Day in the sense that children should always honor and appreciate their parents.

Shiekh Maqbool Ahmed

'All the blessings'

A father's role often changes after his children grow up. Maybe he will see them once a week — if he's lucky.

But Shiekh Maqbool Ahmed sits down to dinner with his wife, three children and daughter-in-law almost every night.His two unmarried children, ages 21 and 28, still live in his Kaysville home.

He and his wife helped buy a nearby house for their son, 26, and his bride, after helping to arrange their marriage.

It's a situation, however, that the shoe-store owner hopes is temporary — that is until he can buy a house big enough to accommodate everyone.

"We don't go to the retirement home — never, never," said the Pakistan-born Ahmed, 60. "If we let our father and mother go out of the house, all the blessings will go with them."

Ahmed moved to the United States in 1987 after teaching physics and math in Nigeria and working at a college in Pakistan.In Utah, he worked as an engineer until about 10 years ago. But the company relocated and he now owns a shoe store, which he runs with his sons.

When he moved here, it was difficult to find meat that was halal, or allowable under Islamic law.So the suburban dad journeyed to Brigham City about once a month to buy and slaughter animals according to Islamic law — slitting their necks in the name of Allah and letting the blood drain.

Now it's easier to find halal meat, and he no longer has to slaughter animals himself to feed his family.

But some things don't change. He still boasts about the food his wife of 29 years, Fahmida Ahmed, cooks from scratch each night and the role she played in helping to teach the children values.

Ahmed is equally proud of his offspring, who were encouraged to finish college before thinking of marriage, just as he and his wife did.His two sons have finance degrees and his daughter is working toward a biology degree at the University of Utah.

When his younger son wanted to marry, he told his parents about a girl in whom he was interested, and his parents then met with her parents. The families got to know one another before deciding on the marriage.

The key to rearing successful children is setting a good example, Ahmed said. Forcing them to follow rules and customs doesn't work. They must be taught to want to follow the faith.

"We instill in the children that Allah is watching you," Ahmed said. "If I am not there to watch you, if your mother is not there to watch you, if your friends are not there to watch you, Allah is watching you."

Sajid Faizi

'His first priority'

A recorded call to prayer rings out from an iPod touch, the family members wash and head to the sitting room. They push aside the coffee table and set small rugs on the floor.

Sajid Faizi and his son place caps on their heads and his wife and daughters don head scarves, or hijabs.

The 47-year-old Cottonwood Heights father kneels in front of the family, leading them in prayer for about 10 minutes, facing toward the home's large front window, toward Mecca.

It's a scene they repeat everyday, waking up about 45 minutes before sunrise to offer their morning prayers, sometimes with all their children — ages 17, 13 and 10 — and sometimes not (depending on how sleepy the kids are).

Faizi, a physician who often works 12 hours a day, tries to go home middayto pray again with his family. That's in additon to praying three other times, including in the evening with his family after he returns home from work, trading a button-down shirt and tie for traditional garb.

It's a schedule that would make most teens balk. But Faizi's children do it willingly.

"I like following what I'm supposed to do," said 17-year-old daughter Naba Faizi. "I feel like it makes sense. It's better for me and everyone else in society."

Sajid Faizi and his wife, Shazia, aim to explain the importance of Islam to their children. He wants his kids to follow the faith out of choice, not force.

"We want to make sure they understand and believe it," said Sajid Faizi, who was born in Pakistan. "It's useless to force things on them that they don't do with their own thinking, their heart and mind."

The children spend a half hour a day, four days a week learning Quranic Arabic from a teacher in Pakistan over Skype. And the family follows dietary restrictions — avoiding pork, alcohol and drugs and striving to eat only halal food.

Though Sajid Faizi is often working, he couldn't be more dedicated to his family, says his wife, Shazia, who started Utah's first Muslim Girl Scout troop.

"The kids and us and me," Shazia Faizi said, "that's his first priority."

Hossam Ahmed

'Better part of the deal'

Prayer time at Hossam Ahmed's home looks slightly different.

When Ahmed, an Arabic language instructor at the University of Utah, prays, his 2-year-old daughter, Laila,is usually "kind of floating around."

"She kind of knows what's going on," said Ahmed, 35, "but I'm pretty sure she doesn't know it's a prayer."

She just thinks it's "fun."

That's the same word Ahmed, who also has a 7-month-old son, uses to describe fatherhood in general.

"I'm enjoying being a father immensely because my role in the household is more of the fun role. I'm getting the better part of the deal," jokes Ahmed, who is also working on earning a doctorate from the U. in syntax.

Ahmed, born and reared in Alexandria, met his wife at an American nonprofit where they both worked in Egypt.When he decided he wanted to marry her, he spoke with his parents, gained their blessing and then proposed. His wife accepted, pending her family's approval.

"Had any of our parents had a good reason why we shouldn't have gotten married," Ahmed said, "we wouldn't have gotten married."

He expects the same deference of his children when they are ready to marry. Such a decision, he says, "affects the family as a whole."

Ahmed likes to joke that his conservative friends view him as too liberal and his liberal friends as too conservative.

As a Muslim, he doesn't drink alcohol or eat pork. When he recently realized his daughter's Black Forest birthday cake had liquor in it, he threw it away.

Ahmed used to buy only halal meat, but it often was poor quality and came from far away, he said. So he now gets meat from grocery stores and says the name of God before he eats it.

"My approach to Islam is it's a very practical religion," Ahmed said.

His wife does not wear a head scarf.He hopes his daughter will when she gets older, but, as with his wife, it will be up to her. He wants his children to do things out of their own sense of faith, not his.

"Not wearing a head scarf," he said, "is better than just wearing a head scarf for someone else."

As his children grow older, Ahmed sees his role as "more mentor than preacher."

He is happy to rear his children in Utah, he said, because values here are similar to those he learned as a child.

"If you're thinking about having a family and raising decent human beings," Ahmed said, "this is the kind of backdrop you want to see your family in."

lschencker@sltrib.com —

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