Well, that's how I felt when I finally realized after all these years that one of my closest friends is a Halloween-hater.
People, I was stunned. How could anybody dislike a holiday that involves free candy?
So I asked this friend if she would be my stunt double this week and share her reasons for hating Halloween. I promised I wouldn't use her real name (Lisa B.), so instead I will call her "Not Lisa B."
This is what "Not Lisa B." had to say:
"Why do I not love Halloween.
"First of all, my feelings have softened a little bit of late. But when I was the mom of a bunch of children, it seemed like there was so much pressure to get costumes in order, and that there were so many more things that people wanted to be. Like a Jawa from 'Star Wars' or Poison Ivy from one of the worst of the Batman movies. (Sorry, my kids who wanted to be a Jawa or Poison Ivy — nothing against you personally.) Whereas when I was growing up you could be: Hobo or Gypsy or maybe Ghost if there happened to be a stray white sheet your mom didn't mind letting you use. But I'm sure I'm remembering it wrong, and my mom did a zillion things to help me be Gypsy, which was my usual. But in my mothering days, assembling the elements of the costumes seemed to be more than I could handle, especially for a holiday in which your children went around and begged for candy and then you had to let them eat every last piece of it.
"Also: What if you wanted to watch a nice television show when the trick-or-treating was happening? And people kept coming to your door and knocking/ringing and begging for candy?
"Well, that's it. Now that I examine my reasons I see that I am/was a selfish person whose television watching was more important than neighborliness. That's just not right. This is why I have obtained several Halloween themed T-shirts that I can wear one or another time in October, and this is also why I get your big bag of Tootsie Roll-themed candy and pour it in a giant bowl. Sometimes I set it outside on the porch with a 'Happy Halloween!' label, because these days we run all over the place to see the grandkids' cute costumes and trick-or-treat with them a bit."
So which are you, Tribune readers? A Halloween-lover or a Halloween-hater? Feel free to chime in and share your reasons.
(And don't let my dad near the Halloween candy.)
Ann Cannon can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or facebook.com/anncannontrib.