Quantcast
Get breaking news alerts via email

Click here to manage your alerts
Recovery doesn’t seem to be going very well
First Published Aug 12 2014 01:01 am • Last Updated Aug 12 2014 01:01 am

Dear Carolyn • Whenever I am at a party with my wife’s girlfriend, she flirts with me. No ... not flirt; groping and teasing is a better description. Sticking her hands in my back pockets, grabbing my butt. When I went to kiss her goodnight (on the cheek), she grabbed my face, said, "On the lips," and then kissed me. First time it happened was when I showed up at a party without my wife, and she said, "I am SO glad you are here alone!"

I got caught cheating 0on my wife two years ago. I am in "recovery," as I really have a problem being faithful. This will not end well if I don’t do something, but I don’t want to stir the pot, so I put up with it.

Join the Discussion
Post a Comment

Confession ... she is doing a good job! This could end badly. Help!

Dear Anonymous • Are you in recovery, or in "recovery"? Meaning, do you admit to an emotional problem and intend to get better? Or do you accept the way you are, merely nodding as people say you have a problem, and secretly hoping you won’t get seriously tempted, or seriously caught, again?

If it’s recovery, the real deal, then you already know the only chance your marriage has is the truth — that and a redoubling of your effort at whatever treatment you sought two years ago. You tell your wife immediately what’s going on with her "friend" (get it?), because said friend is already stirring the pot and your passivity equals permission.

If instead you’re in quote-unquote-recovery — if your marriage isn’t a commitment so much as prowlus interruptus — then that’s what you need to admit, first to yourself and then to your wife.

Either way, make this not about monogamy for the sake of it, but about living honestly as who you really are. That means admitting the fidelity you’ve maintained lately is purely an act of will. But first: You suggested twice in your letter that this will end badly, yet I’m not sure you’re even sure how you — not your wife — would define ending well. Your chances go from slim to ... less slim if you know that going in.

Carolyn Hax’s column runs Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.




Copyright 2014 The Salt Lake Tribune. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Top Reader Comments Read All Comments Post a Comment
Click here to read all comments   Click here to post a comment


About Reader Comments


Reader comments on sltrib.com are the opinions of the writer, not The Salt Lake Tribune. We will delete comments containing obscenities, personal attacks and inappropriate or offensive remarks. Flagrant or repeat violators will be banned. If you see an objectionable comment, please alert us by clicking the arrow on the upper right side of the comment and selecting "Flag comment as inappropriate". If you've recently registered with Disqus or aren't seeing your comments immediately, you may need to verify your email address. To do so, visit disqus.com/account.
See more about comments here.
Staying Connected
Videos
Jobs
Contests and Promotions
  • Search Obituaries
  • Place an Obituary

  • Search Cars
  • Search Homes
  • Search Jobs
  • Search Marketplace
  • Search Legal Notices

  • Other Services
  • Advertise With Us
  • Subscribe to the Newspaper
  • Access your e-Edition
  • Frequently Asked Questions
  • Contact a newsroom staff member
  • Access the Trib Archives
  • Privacy Policy
  • Missing your paper? Need to place your paper on vacation hold? For this and any other subscription related needs, click here or call 801.204.6100.