Dear Carolyn • We recently visited a local theme park, taking visiting relatives who have a 2-year-old. After a day of walking in 90-degree weather, we lined up for the tram to the parking lot. We were in the first line with a very large stroller that would fit only in that first row. As the tram stopped, a much younger mom with three children ran in front of us from another line and grabbed those seats. I was appalled. When we arrived at the parking lot, I told the young lady what she did was very rude. Of course her response was: "Too bad for you." I suggested she raise her children with better manners. My husband said I shouldn’t have said anything, but I disagree. I hope this mother discusses what happened, and someone in her group of friends suggests that what she did was indeed rude. If we don’t speak up, it will only get worse. Your thoughts?
Sad That Gentility is Being Lost
Dear Sad • I’m glad you spoke up, and I wish others in your place would attempt a calm correction — or a friendly one, even better. No one remark will cure rudeness, but, collectively, people have power to set a tone: "You can’t operate with impunity. Not here." Now it’s my turn to speak up. If the implication in your signature is what I think it is, then you see this line-jumper as proof in miniature of a larger collapse of civilization as we know it. (If not, disregard what follows.) But the gentility I remember was predicated on membership in society’s preferred groups. The "Little Rock Nine," to use an infamous example, were not greeted by a society with manners that put today’s manners to shame. Given that the courtesies of "then" were as much about knowing one’s place as knowing one’s place in line, nostalgia for them hits me wrong. Yes, the victories by exposed flesh and Spandex over recent decades have done our public spaces no favors, and unrelenting profanity gets old — but when it comes to manners, there were losers before and there will be losers ever after. Believing otherwise suggests revisionist history or, worse, an agenda.
Carolyn Hax’s column runs Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.
Copyright 2014 The Salt Lake Tribune. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.