Quantcast
Get breaking news alerts via email

Click here to manage your alerts
Focus on those who rally to your cause
First Published Jun 26 2014 01:01 am • Last Updated Jun 26 2014 01:01 am

Dear Carolyn • Two years ago my adult daughter was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. She is very optimistic and has taken part in fundraisers because she feels she owes it to those who came before her who did the same. We formed a team for our local MS Walk last year and invited our co-workers and members from my very large family to donate or walk or both. Unfortunately, my enthusiasm for the walk turned to hurt when her aunts and others we thought were close did nothing. My daughter is the type who donates and volunteers for everything. For months I could barely talk to my sisters and some co-workers because I was so hurt. Another walk is coming and I’m not sure how to proceed — swallow my pride and share my hurt, or just embrace the ones who show up?

Join the Discussion
Post a Comment

Dear Pout • Your signature is your answer. When has the answer to that (or any) question ever been "to pout"? Besides — the first law of rallying people to your cause is to learn to embrace the No. You care, deeply, about issues that affect you, and it’s a good thing you do. Now extend that to other people: They care, deeply, about issues that affect them, and it’s a good thing they do. This is how things get done. When you choose to rally others to your issue, never forget that each person you approach has his or her deeply felt causes. Some of these people will have room on their issue slate to add yours to it, and for these people you thank the moon and stars. Some, though, will not have room on their slates — and for these people you don’t hurt, or pass around blame, or curse cosmic failures to be ... how did you put it ... "the type who donates and volunteers for everything." No, for these people, you also thank the moon and stars. Their focus on their own priorities keeps a part of the world turning, even if it doesn’t happen to be yours this time around. Trust that and be grateful for it. The idea of donating and volunteering for everything is lovely in theory, but unrealistic in the first place and impossible in the second.

Carolyn Hax’s column runs Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.




Copyright 2014 The Salt Lake Tribune. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Top Reader Comments Read All Comments Post a Comment
Click here to read all comments   Click here to post a comment


About Reader Comments


Reader comments on sltrib.com are the opinions of the writer, not The Salt Lake Tribune. We will delete comments containing obscenities, personal attacks and inappropriate or offensive remarks. Flagrant or repeat violators will be banned. If you see an objectionable comment, please alert us by clicking the arrow on the upper right side of the comment and selecting "Flag comment as inappropriate". If you've recently registered with Disqus or aren't seeing your comments immediately, you may need to verify your email address. To do so, visit disqus.com/account.
See more about comments here.
Staying Connected
Videos
Jobs
Contests and Promotions
  • Search Obituaries
  • Place an Obituary

  • Search Cars
  • Search Homes
  • Search Jobs
  • Search Marketplace
  • Search Legal Notices

  • Other Services
  • Advertise With Us
  • Subscribe to the Newspaper
  • Access your e-Edition
  • Frequently Asked Questions
  • Contact a newsroom staff member
  • Access the Trib Archives
  • Privacy Policy
  • Missing your paper? Need to place your paper on vacation hold? For this and any other subscription related needs, click here or call 801.204.6100.