Quantcast
Get breaking news alerts via email

Click here to manage your alerts
No easy fix when you crush on friend’s girl
First Published Jun 19 2014 01:01 am • Last Updated Jun 19 2014 01:01 am

Dear Carolyn • About a year ago I developed a crush on a female friend, whose boyfriend I also know independently of her. I suspect the attraction was mutual but we never acted on it. However, I am pretty sure the boyfriend noticed, because I am pretty sure he hates me. Seething hatred. He tries to hide it and behave cordially toward me, but the tension is obvious. I’ve tried reaching out to him to hang out, but it always feels forced. Any suggestions for defusing this tension?

Join the Discussion
Post a Comment

Dear Hated • Remorse defuses best. I thought I picked some up in my first reading of your letter, but upon rereading I’m not so sure. If you do feel bad about your actions, and not just their consequences, then you’ve done most of your part. You can make any warranted apologies, but beyond that there’s no easy fix; everything else depends on his letting go of the grudge. Since a year hasn’t softened him, waiting him out doesn’t seem promising. If you can’t get used to being the bad guy, then there’s this: bow out. Or, less drastically, shift your social center of gravity away from these two. You tried, innocently or otherwise, to usurp a man’s beloved. Exile is usually the next plot point in that story even when you succeed, so his being civil-ish is a gift.

Dear Carolyn • I’m flying with a baby and, three weeks out, am already losing sleep. Any mantra I can use to help me choose her needs instead of others’? If it helps, I have a hard time in general with crowds and feeling like I’m being evaluated by others.

Dear B. • You are being judged, so dress her in her cutest comfortable thing, and take heart that you aren’t imagining things. Kidding, sorta. Yes, people boost their own egos by scrutinizing others, new parents especially, since they’re the slowest antelopes in the herd, but here’s your mantra: Who cares. Your only duty to strangers is to care for your child as best you can. Since that’s what you owe your baby anyway, the strangers are moot points.

Carolyn Hax’s column runs Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.




Copyright 2014 The Salt Lake Tribune. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Top Reader Comments Read All Comments Post a Comment
Click here to read all comments   Click here to post a comment


About Reader Comments


Reader comments on sltrib.com are the opinions of the writer, not The Salt Lake Tribune. We will delete comments containing obscenities, personal attacks and inappropriate or offensive remarks. Flagrant or repeat violators will be banned. If you see an objectionable comment, please alert us by clicking the arrow on the upper right side of the comment and selecting "Flag comment as inappropriate". If you've recently registered with Disqus or aren't seeing your comments immediately, you may need to verify your email address. To do so, visit disqus.com/account.
See more about comments here.
Staying Connected
Videos
Jobs
Contests and Promotions
  • Search Obituaries
  • Place an Obituary

  • Search Cars
  • Search Homes
  • Search Jobs
  • Search Marketplace
  • Search Legal Notices

  • Other Services
  • Advertise With Us
  • Subscribe to the Newspaper
  • Access your e-Edition
  • Frequently Asked Questions
  • Contact a newsroom staff member
  • Access the Trib Archives
  • Privacy Policy
  • Missing your paper? Need to place your paper on vacation hold? For this and any other subscription related needs, click here or call 801.204.6100.