Quantcast
Get breaking news alerts via email

Click here to manage your alerts
Turn your dilemma into an adventure
First Published May 20 2014 01:01 am • Last Updated May 20 2014 01:01 am

Dear Carolyn • I am writing because my husband and I are facing a huge dilemma. He cannot find a job in the U.S. He recently got a job offer in Asia and wants us to go. I have conflicting emotions about this, as I do not speak the language and feel it would be very isolating for me. I would be leaving all my family and friends. We have no kids and my husband thinks now is the time to take a risk. Any advice?

Join the Discussion
Post a Comment

Dear C. • I’m kicking this to the most badass motivational speaker I’ve run across: "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ . You must do the thing you think you cannot do." Eleanor Roosevelt, of course. While "horror" is a tad strong for choosing to accept a job overseas versus, say, being deployed or deported there, I am sympathetic to concerns of isolation. Even for a gregarious person, parachuting into a language barrier and a cultural divide while your spouse heads off to work can be daunting. But, hello — er, konnichiwa/ni hao/anyong haseyo/etc. — there are language schools (in which you enroll the moment you OK the move), and expat communities, and Skype, and basic, inner resources that mankind has tapped into in the face of all manner of daunting experiences. So instead of "risk" or "dilemma," try on "adventure." "Challenge." "A chance to push my limits" ... or just "prove to myself I’m not soft." Then see how you feel about going. If you do agree to the move, vow to embrace it with your whole heart. In return, request a promise from him to pull the plug — after a year? x years? — should you develop a misery your efforts can’t fix. Just make sure you choose a long enough period of time for you to reasonably expect some roots to grow, and arrive prepared. Considering that it can take a year or more for people to adjust to a domestic move, going there with an eye on the exit date will defeat the purpose completely.

Carolyn Hax’s column runs Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.




Copyright 2014 The Salt Lake Tribune. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Top Reader Comments Read All Comments Post a Comment
Click here to read all comments   Click here to post a comment


About Reader Comments


Reader comments on sltrib.com are the opinions of the writer, not The Salt Lake Tribune. We will delete comments containing obscenities, personal attacks and inappropriate or offensive remarks. Flagrant or repeat violators will be banned. If you see an objectionable comment, please alert us by clicking the arrow on the upper right side of the comment and selecting "Flag comment as inappropriate". If you've recently registered with Disqus or aren't seeing your comments immediately, you may need to verify your email address. To do so, visit disqus.com/account.
See more about comments here.
Staying Connected
Videos
Jobs
Contests and Promotions
  • Search Obituaries
  • Place an Obituary

  • Search Cars
  • Search Homes
  • Search Jobs
  • Search Marketplace
  • Search Legal Notices

  • Other Services
  • Advertise With Us
  • Subscribe to the Newspaper
  • Access your e-Edition
  • Frequently Asked Questions
  • Contact a newsroom staff member
  • Access the Trib Archives
  • Privacy Policy
  • Missing your paper? Need to place your paper on vacation hold? For this and any other subscription related needs, click here or call 801.204.6100.