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Jon Voight stars as Noah in the incredibly bad 1999 miniseries "Noah's Ark." Courtesy NBC
DVD review: Just say ‘Noah’ to old miniseries
First Published Feb 15 2014 01:01 am • Last Updated Feb 15 2014 01:01 am

Grade • F

DVD • In an apparent attempt to somehow piggyback on the theatrical movie "Noah" (set for release on March 8), the 1999 NBC miniseries "Noah’s Ark" is being released on DVD.

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No matter how bad Russell Crowe’s movie is, it couldn’t possibly be worse than producer Robert Halmi Sr.’s 168-minute abomination, which rewrites the Bible in significant ways.

Jon Voight portrays Noah like some sort of addled Zorba the Greek, or like a WWE wrestler as he brawls with his son on the deck of the ark.

When a lightning bolt hits a pagan temple, the priest looks up and says, "Nyaah! You missed me!" And during the flood, the ark is attacked by pirates straight out of "Waterworld."

It’s unintentionally hilarious.

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