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His lack of desire puts relationship at risk
First Published Feb 19 2014 01:01 am • Last Updated Feb 19 2014 01:01 am

Dear Carolyn • After three years with my boyfriend, it has become clear we have very different ideas of intimacy. When we first met, there were all the sparks I could hope for, but he quickly cooled to the point of reaching out maybe once every few months, half-heartedly. I have tried talking about it, being patient, initiating, giving him space to come around — but he just doesn’t desire sex. We love each other and have kept the excitement in all ways except that one, but my eye has started to wander and I fear I might be tempted to cheat; unfortunately, I have an active libido! I don’t want to leave him but don’t know how much longer I can be patient.

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Dear 30 and Sad • "Be patient"? For what? An active libido isn’t "unfortunate" — it’s part of you. Whether his dormant libido is part of him, or you, or is fixable, I can’t say. There are steps he could take, though, to explore or explain his lack of interest, which he’s apparently not taking. Knock-knock. You want to stay, you want regular sex, you want fidelity, you want. Maybe you can be happy without sex (doubtful), but there’s rarely happiness where the effort goes only one way

Dear Carolyn • My son’s birthday was four months ago, and his godmother hasn’t yet gotten him a birthday or Christmas gift. The problem is, this is getting in the way of our socializing. Friday I sent them a text suggesting we meet up for dinner. They finally texted back days later to say they were at the movies and missed my message but let’s try next weekend. It’s because they don’t have my son’s gifts yet. She was "sick" for his birthday party and then admitted later it was because she didn’t have a gift. Their kids and my son are good friends. This nonsense is getting in the way of their friendship as well. This has nothing to do with finances — I happen to know she splashed out on everyone else. What should I do?

Dear Anonymous • "Put this thing to rest, please: "Forget gifts! Son just misses your kids." Clear and textably concise.

Carolyn Hax’s column runs Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.




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