Proving once again money can't buy class
Dear Carolyn • My girlfriend and I recently broke up after two years together. We met in my hometown while she was attending the university. She came from a wealthy background, and myself from an upper-middle-class family. Despite not being as wealthy, I felt that I made up for that in other areas. I always cooked and cleaned, I paid for monthly trips and activities together, bought her flowers every two weeks and gave her rides. She transferred to do her rotations for school (I was still in school at the hometown where we met). Long story short, she started seeing another guy while seeing me. I found out and we broke up. After being broken up for three months, we started talking. She told me that her dad never wanted to meet me because I wasn't good enough, and that she started seeing that, too. I may not be rich, but I do well for myself. I'm finishing school, I have my own place, pay my own bills, take care of the cats that we bought together. It just seems like such a left field thing for her to say. I can understand that her dad may think this, he's never met me. But my girlfriend thinks this way now too? Maybe I am just naive, but love should be judged on a person's heart, not their wallet. Am I wrong?
Heartbroken in California
Dear Heartbroken • You aren't naive to think love should be judged on heart above wallet, no. But you are naive to think this belief applies to her. (Two years, no meeting Dad. Missed sign?) Your girlfriend found someone else, and the rest is just words and justifications and, I suspect, excuses, since blaming you must be tempting for her when she's the one who behaved badly and the one who's supposedly superior. I envision your cats gacking hairballs on that one. Think of it this way: If she agrees with Daddy about judging you by anything besides your character, then that's deplorable. That she would tell you this is even more so. If instead she doesn't agree with her father but is appeasing him, then that's just weak. So, yes, do judge love by a person's heart and see that, unless she does some tough work on her priorities, her heart isn't worthy of yours.
Carolyn Hax's column runs Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.
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