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FILE - This Aug. 30, 2009 file photo shows Big Bird, of the children's television show Sesame Street, in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Matt Sayles, File)
Scott D. Pierce: Naughty or nice, here are gifts that TV shows deserve

By Scott D. Pierce

| The Salt Lake Tribune

First Published Dec 05 2012 05:08 pm • Last Updated Apr 08 2013 11:32 pm

At this time of year when we’re shopping for family and friends, how about a few gifts for a friend the average American spends 28 hours a week with — our televisions.

If I had an unlimited budget, here’s what I’d get a few of our TV pals.

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Writers of "Nashville" • A sense of humor.

Writers of "Scandal" • Less unintentional humor.

Writers of "Hawaii Five-O" • Season 1 of the show on DVD, to remind them it used to be better.

KSL management • The realization that I’m not making up those lousy ratings numbers, I’m just reporting them.

KTVX and KUCW • Enough pre-emptions so no Real Salt Lake games are tape-delayed.

The Pac-12 Network • A deal with DirecTV. (Duh!)

"The Simpsons" • A graceful exit. It’s time for this show to retire. (D’oh!)

"How I Met Your Mother" • The identity of the mother. And a graceful exit.

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"Smash" • More singing, less ridiculous melodrama.

"Glee" • A bullet.

"Don’t Trust the B---- In Apt. 23 • Viewers.

Syfy Channel • A series set in outer space. To fit your alleged science-fiction theme.

"Project Runway" • A little respect.

"The Good Wife" • A lot of respect.

"The Bachelor/Bachelorette" • An Emmy nomination — for best scripted comedy.

PBS • Adequate funding to keep this national treasure up and running.

Big Bird • An exemption from ever being used in a political campaign again. By either side.

BYU and Utah football • Now that the Utes and Cougars are more readily available on TV, games that are worth watching.

"Downton Abbey" • It doesn’t really need anything. Unless Dan Stevens (who plays Matthew) really isn’t going to return for Season 4.

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