As Labor Day approaches and the kids are going back to school, it's nearly time to hang up our summer things and look back fondly on the season.
For those of us who spent the summer in the cool comfort of air-conditioned movie theaters, it was a season overloaded with blockbusters that threatened to drop our IQ by a few points with every mindless explosion.
Still, there were educational moments in this summer's movies. What did we learn?
We learned that â¦
• After saving the Earth from destruction, a good plate of shawarma really hits the spot. ("The Avengers")
• Maybe Johnny Depp and Tim Burton should spend some time seeing other people. ("Dark Shadows")
• The four funniest words in movies today are "in association with Hasbro." ("Battleship")
• Taylor Kitsch might want to go back to TV. ("Battleship," "Savages")
• Josh Brolin is a better Tommy Lee Jones than Tommy Lee Jones. ("Men in Black 3")
• What happens on the press junket is sometimes more interesting than what happens in the movie. ("Snow White and the Huntsman")
• Chris Hemsworth can rock a pair of boots. ("The Avengers," "Snow White and the Huntsman")
• If you think Obamacare is bad, that's nothing compared to performing a do-it-yourself Caesarean. ("Prometheus")
• Movie stars with personal baggage can rock, but wholesome country singers from Utah can't. ("Rock of Ages")
• Adam Sandler isn't even trying anymore. ("That's My Boy")
• Neither are Vince Vaughn or Ben Stiller. ("The Watch")
• Rewriting history doesn't necessarily make for a good horror story. ("Chernobyl Diaries," "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter")
• Do not feed the bears — unless the bear is your mother. ("Brave")
• The key to time travel is rigorous training. ("Safety Not Guaranteed")
• How is Matthew McConaughey's career these days? Awright, awright. ("Magic Mike," "Killer Joe")
• With great power comes great re⦠Oh, heck with it, just chase the cute blonde even though her cop dad asked you not to. ("The Amazing Spider-Man")
• Songs that reference "skin-tight jeans" and "ménage à trois" can be part of a family-friendly PG-rated concert movie. Who knew? ("Katy Perry: Part of Me 3D")
• Hollywood may finally be figuring out that people over 60 can be romantic leads. ("The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel," "Hope Springs")
• Remaking "Cars 2" with animals wasn't such a good idea. ("Magadascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted")
• Remaking the first three "Ice Age" movies wasn't such a good idea, either. ("Ice Age: Continental Drift")
• Dancers can mount an effective Occupy Wall Street protest — but will sell out for a Nike commercial in a heartbeat. ("Step Up Revolution")
• Costco apparently will let anybody film a movie in its stores. ("The Watch," "The Apparition")
• Three-breasted hooker? Still a good joke. ("Total Recall")
• More actresses should write roles for themselves. ("Ruby Sparks," "Celeste & Jesse Forever")
• Jeremy Renner needs to lighten up. ("The Avengers," "The Bourne Legacy")
• Jack Black can actually act. ("Bernie")
• Mark Duplass is the Everyman actor America needs right now. ("Safety Not Guaranteed," "Darling Companion," "Your Sister's Sister")
• We really will miss Whitney Houston. ("Sparkle")
• The Who's "Baba O'Riley" is always a great way to start a movie. ("Premium Rush")
• Chuck Norris should never tell a Chuck Norris joke. ("The Expendables 2")
• True artistry can come in many forms. ("Jiro Dreams of Sushi," "Ai Weiwei: Never Sorry," "Neil Young Journeys")
• Children are, as we long suspected, the center of the universe. ("Beasts of the Southern Wild," "Moonrise Kingdom")
Sean P. Meanswrites The Cricket in daily blog form at http://www.sltrib.com/blogs/moviecricket. Follow him on Twitter at @moviecricket or on Facebook at http://www.sltrib.com/seanpmeans. Email him at movies@sltrib.com.
