''He didn't know what to do,'' O'Donovan said of his teacher, who is now a church official. ''He was a super nice guy, but just misinformed and all he had was the church handbook to go by.''

Raised a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, O'Donovan, a writer and historian, served a church mission and married in the church's Salt Lake City Temple. He came out in 1985 and eventually left the faith, unable to reconcile his intrinsic gay identity with the teachings of the church.

''I had to throw the baby out with the bath water. I started from scratch and rebuilt myself,'' he said in an interview with The Associated Press last week. ''I decided that I can use the word "grace," but in a different way.''

On Sunday, O'Donovan, 43, gave the keynote address at the 30th anniversary of Affirmation, a support group for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered Mormons, in Salt Lake City.

Founded in Provo by a handful of students from the church-owned Brigham Young University, Affirmation grew out of concern over the increasing number of suicides among gay Mormons and from the frustration of living a closeted life.

Today, the group, which is not recognized by nor connected to the church, has chapters across the United States, in Australia, Canada, England, Italy and South Korea.

For many, Affirmation is the first place they connect with other gay Mormons.

''They helped me through in the beginning,'' said Buckley Jeppson, 48, a gay Mormon who lives in Washington, D.C. ''That was useful. It was the first time I actually knew I wasn't the only person out there. It's comforting.''

Officially, the Mormon church has taught that homosexuality is a sin and that traditional marriage is an institution ordained by God. In the 1990s, church elders modified that position to differentiate between homosexual feelings or inclinations - same-gender attraction as they call it - and homosexual activity.

''The sin is in yielding to temptation,'' Elder Dallin H. Oaks said in an interview conducted by a public relations officer posted on the church Web site earlier this year.

Church officials declined to be interviewed for this story, instead referring the AP to the interview with Oaks and Elder Lance B. Wickman.

''What we know is that feelings can be controlled and behavior can be controlled,'' Oaks said.

Church President Gordon B. Hinckley has said gays who remain celibate can continue to enjoy full membership in the church, a standard seen in other faith traditions.

Affirmation's Salt Lake Chapter President Duane Jennings sees both positions as baby steps of progress.

''They used to teach that the thoughts were evil,'' he said. ''In the Mormon church, celibacy has been taught against. It's anti-family and of course as Mormons, we are an eternal family.''