The topic went beyond the pale of our usual campfire stories. For keeping a kid awake all night, sex had the headless lumberjack beat all to heck. I remember being shocked and deeply intrigued.
My father had already tried explaining human reproduction to me. The "talk" was couched in such scientific detail that my first reaction was, "Why would anyone in his right mind want to do that?"
The Leavitts and Miss February changed things. Suddenly I was thinking, "Well, that makes a lot more sense. I can't wait until I lose my mind."
Later, in church, I learned that I was having impure thoughts. As it turned out, sex was something you better not let God catch you thinking about at all. Actual discussion was appropriate only in terms vague enough to also pass for swimming lessons.
Things have apparently changed. Being specific about sex isn't just for sinners anymore. Even in Utah, people are insisting that the power of eternal procreation also live up to some very temporal expectations.
I know what you're thinking - this sounds like another of my idle fantasies when church gets boring. It's not. I have proof.
A West Jordan woman was recently named top distributor for Slumber Parties, Inc., a national company that features the sale of romantic novelties through in-home adult parties.
I called her. Not only does Jeanie Jones earn a good living marketing Slumber Party products, the get-togethers are so popular in Utah that only Maryland passed us in sales last year.
The gatherings are similar to cookware parties: Everyone keeps their clothes on, they're held in private homes, only women are invited and the items sold are intended to save the buyer money.
According to Jones, spicing up the romance in a marriage is cheaper than therapy or a divorce. A lot of her clientele are "good women" who only want to get as much as they can out of the sex they're allowed to have.
Since I'll never be invited to a Slumber Party, I checked out Jones' Web site, http://www. slumberpartiesbyjeanie.com. Said novelties include lingerie, instructional books, lotions, and one or two things that I'm pretty sure were alive when first discovered on Mars.
Given the amount of attention it gets, sex is an absolute necessity for human beings. But no one place has all the answers. You don't want to learn about it only in pup tents and Web sites.
On the other hand, some of the really important questions aren't ones you can ask in church, either.
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Salt Lake Tribune columnist Robert Kirby welcomes mail at 90 S. 400 West, Suite 700, Salt Lake City, UT 84101, or e-mail at rkirby@sltrib.com.
