Sandy
Robbie Findley nearly single-footedly shucked Real Salt Lake's biggest bugaboo on Thursday night in the team's home opener at Rio Tinto Stadium.
And, next thing, everybody started shucking, en route to a 4-1 victory over defending MLS champion Columbus.
"We're capable," Findley said afterward. "We can score ... a lot. We just need to tuck the ball away."
Let's back up for a minute here and get a running start at the shucking and tucking.
There were abundant positive projections about RSL leading up to this season, the season that followed last year's breakthrough into the Western Conference playoffs.
People who are supposed to know about such things predicted that Real is on the cusp of something big, something beyond last postseason's showing as a finalist in the West, when RSL fell one game short of competing for the MLS Cup.
Not bad for a team with a relatively short and definitely sorry history that finished its best season ever with a record of 10-10-10.
Progress was the club's goal and, ultimately, its centerpiece.
But now, as it opened its home season, after absorbing a zip-2 thumping at Seattle last week, there was an additional matter at stake, just as important to Real as a potential run to the top of the league.
Score some goals.
Score some goals.
Score some goals.
It is, after all, the American way.
It's the only way RSL will continue to capture the imagination of sports fans here who want to like soccer. It may not be any concern to those who have already fallen for the world's game, but, beyond the competitive need to hit the back of the net just enough to actually win games instead of tying at nil-nil, more offense is not just a luxury. It's a necessity.
Question: How many shutout games did Real suffer through and stick its fans with last season?
Answer: 11.
Question: How many times did RSL score just one goal?
Answer: 12.
That's not just boring.
It's brutal.
Soccer purists say there's a whole lot more at which to look during the to-and-fro of a game than just the number of goals tallied, but, when all the yawning is done, scoring is a huge part of what fans and potential fans want.
Leave sophistication to the easily amused.
Who wants to win if it has the same effect as popping Sominex?
Mixing in a few goals not only ratchets up the entertainment factor for so many ticket-buying infidels, it also helps a club dodge tying as many games as it wins.
To its credit, that's exactly what RSL did Thursday night, when it crushed the Crew.
It scored goals.
It scored goals.
It scored goals.
As many goals as Real had ever scored in any game.
RSL waited all of 1:48 to go up 1-0 when Findley banged home a rebound off of Crew goalkeeper William Hesmer after Will Johnson baffled Hesmer with a sinking free kick.
Findley followed that with another goal in the 29th minute when Hesmer inexplicably kicked the ball straight to him near the front of Hesmer's own goal, ripping a page out of your 10-year-old daughter's youth league game.
Findley cleaned up the mess, quickly scootching around Hesmer and gently booting the ball into an open net, and then looking around for the Otter Pops served up by Johnny's mom at halftime.
RSL went into the second half with a 2-1 lead, seeking to protect its lead and build on it.
It did exactly that when Findley headed in a deft crossing pass from Yura Movsisyan in the 62nd minute for his team's first-ever hat trick. Kyle Beckerman added the fourth score just five minutes later.
Suddenly, Real transformed itself into the 1980s L.A. Lakers. It barely missed on numerous other attempts from numerous attackers, each of those near-goals a gas to watch.
"We can get two, three, four goals every game," said Movsisyan. "It's a matter of being sharp."
And, just like that, a team that previously couldn't score, but could bore, was razor sharp, scoring all it wanted, and, at the end of the night, giving the people in the seats what they wanted, too.
GORDON MONSON hosts "The Monson and Graham Show" weekdays from 2-6 p.m. on 1280 AM The Zone. He can be reached at gmonson@sltrib.com .
