Rudy Giuliani
Song: "Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning)," Alan Jackson
Why: Because remember where I was? I was the mayor? Of New York? On 9/11? Have I mentioned that?
Sample lyric: "I'm just a singer of simple songs/ I'm not a real political man/ I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you/ The difference in Iraq and Iran."
John Edwards
Song: "Benefit of the Doubt," Haircut 100
Why: The $400 haircut issue still dogs you. This song, by this band, may finally get folks off your back.
Sample lyric: "Could have been another way/ It looked bad from the start/ Won't you give me, give me benefit of the doubt."
Fred Thompson
Song: "I'm Too Sexy," Right Said Fred
Why: OK, you haven't announced yet. But you will, right? I mean, we're waiting ... Fred?
Sample Lyric: "I'm too sexy for your party/ Too sexy for your party/ No way I'm disco dancing."
Al Gore
Song: "(It's Not Easy) Bein' Green," Kermit the Frog
Why: Is global warming cool enough to get you into the White House? This song could make people feel sorry enough for you to vote for you.
Sample lyric: "It seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things. And people tend to pass you over 'cause you're not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water - or stars in the sky."
Mike Gravel
Song: "Who Are You?" the Who
Why: Do we really have to spell it out?
Sample lyric: "Tell me who are you? Who, who, who, who?"
Mitt Romney
Song: "Hatchet," Low
Why: This song by this critically acclaimed Mormon indie-rock band may be just the inspiration your campaign needs to reach out to blue-state America.
Sample lyric: "Let's bury the hatchet like the Beatles, the Beatles and the Stones/ Like the Beatles, the Beatles and the Stones."
Barack Obama
Song: "The Roof Is On Fire," Rock Master Scott & the Dynamic Three
Why: No, we didn't choose this because of the recent fire in your attic. Oh, all right, we did. But it's also a great rabble-rousing tune.
Sample lyric: "The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire/ We don't need no water, let the ... "
John McCain
Song: "Straight Talk," Dolly Parton
Why: Your campaign needs a little mantra refresher.
Sample lyric: "Don't talk to me in circles in some mumbo-jumbo jive/ Gimme just straight talk, straight talk and we're gonna be alright."
Michael Bloomberg
Song: "Moneytalks," AC/DC
Why: This will remind people why you've been able to abandon both the Democratic and Republican parties.
Sample lyric: "Come on, come on, love me for the money /Come on, come on, listen to the money talk"
Ron Paul
Song: "Crazy," Gnarls Barkley
Why: Lets you fully embrace the outsider image you've cultivated. And you can dance to it!
Sample lyric: "Yeah, I was out of touch/ But it wasn't because I didn't know enough/ I just knew too much/ Does that make me crazy?"
