Cap'n Cutlass: Pay ye heed! The chair hereby lays down this special warning! Today, Sept. 19, be International Talk Like a Pirate Day, a glorious institution launched many a year ago - OK, 11 years ago - by a pair of lubbers from the exotic lands of Oregon! And, as Cap'n Huntsman himself has chosen this day of all days for this special session, clearly he intends for all ye dogs to converse in this manly way!

So let's be under way! The chair does recognize the scurvy knave from Provo!

Mr. Bilge: I thank ye, Mr. Speaker! Mates, the newest figgers from ye Department of Finance shows us that the hold of ye S.S. Uniform School Fund has 215 million doubloons hidden away, just ripe for the pluckin'! If we don't pillage that hold, the money will go to all those scurvy brats wasting their time learning to read and write and add, when any proper parent knows you should send them off to work just as soon as they can walk!

Parrot: Aye, the mate's right! It's our pirate duty to be off with all that money, else those pansies put it toward classrooms so small the teachers will actually know the names of all their students! Arrrgh! It'll be right easy to make off with the 76 million doubloons sitting on the top!

Mr. Bilge: And don't worry yourselves about the young 'uns and their schools! I'm sure that, once we make off with the boodle, many more of our pirate kin will move to Utah in search of gold. They'll refill that chest many times over!

Ol' Mike: If ye mate believes that, I'll be offering to sell ye a bridge in yon Brooklyn! Cheap!

Cap'n Cutlass: Avast! Or I'll bring me gavel down on your yardarm! The knave from West Jordan is hereby recognized!

Nobeard: Aye, cap'n! I move we take 76 million doubloons from the Uniform School Fund and, like the good romantic rogues we are, distribute the booty among the lads! For our pirate friends, it'll be a lot of money! For most people, it will be 67 doubloons a year!

Ol' Mike: But all ye dogs have heard that most people would rather have the boodle stay with the schools, not hand out a tax cut that's just enough for biscuits and rum!

Mr. Bilge: Arrrgh! Walk the plank with 'em, I say!

Cap'n Cutlass: Aye, mates! Meetin' adjourned! I've gotta shove off for the Elton John concert!