This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2017, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.

My husband and I recently took several of our daughters to see the new release of Disney's "Beauty and the Beast." In one scene, Gaston, the handsome villain, whips the villagers into a frenzy by telling them there is a beast in the castle with razor-sharp claws who will steal their children. The villagers grab their torches and pitchforks and sing:

We don't like

What we don't understand

In fact, it scares us

And this monster is

mysterious at least

Bring your guns!

Bring your knives!

Save your children and your

wives

We'll save our village and our

lives

We'll kill the beast!

Sometimes politics feels like that. Frenzied, frantic and fearful of a "beast."

Earlier this year, Rep. Jason Chaffetz held a town hall where raucous participants shouted down not only the congressman but other members of the crowd as well. Many of the participants there felt frustrated and unheard because of the lack of civility.

That same lack of civility showed itself just a few days ago at a town hall meeting in Draper meant to discuss a proposed facility for homeless women and their children. An unruly crowd of almost 1,000 people booed Mayor Ben McAdams, Mayor Troy Walker and even a homeless man who asked for understanding and patience.

As parents, do we not all want the same thing for our children? That they grow up happy, healthy and safe? I believe moms who find themselves homeless want that for their children just as much as the moms living in homes where they don't have to wonder where they will take their next shower or how they will provide the next meal.

This lack of civility and a near-mob mentality isn't just about political town halls, though. It's seeping into everything. How do we treat people who look different than we do, or who were born someplace different than we were, or who speak a different language or even people who make different parenting decisions than we do? Ever heard of the "Mommy wars?" Breast-feeding vs. bottle-feeding, work outside the home vs. stay at home, public school vs. home school — the list of ways we can compare ourselves to each other is endless.

Differences are becoming an affront.

The cost of an us vs. them mentality on Every Single Issue is turning us into a society that no longer knows how to debate, how to disagree without being disagreeable or perhaps most importantly, a society that does not even know how to hold space for others whose life experiences are different than ours.

A return to civility must start with us. We must be committed to expressing our views in ways that do not attack or denigrate others and that do not impugn others' motives. Stephen R. Covey's "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" includes this well-known habit: "Seek first to understand." Let's start there. Do we actively seek to understand others? What might lead to someone feeling differently than we do? Why might someone want to put a facility to help women in children in Draper? Why might someone oppose that? Can I put myself in their shoes? Can I engage in reflective listening, avoid making "you" statements and avoid absolutes? Can I commit to asking for clarification?

This is not a call to step out of the public square — far from it. We need more people engaged in public dialogue — civil public dialogue. We need more voices weighing in and more people seeking transparency and accountability. We need more Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. and less Gaston.

In John F. Kennedy's inaugural address, on January 20, 1961, he said "to those nations who would make themselves our adversary" these words: "Let us begin anew — remembering on both sides that civility is not a sign of weakness, and sincerity is always subject to proof. Let us never negotiate out of fear, but let us never fear to negotiate. Let both sides explore what problems unite us instead of belaboring those problems which divide us."

Let's talk.

Holly Richardson is not perfect but is continually seeking to understand.