This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2016, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.
I can't get tickets to "Hamilton," but I've had my fill of the theater of Donald Trump. Almost daily, some op-ed speaks of Trump being on the "American stage" or "in the spotlight" — ourselves in the "audience." I feel P.T. Barnumed into oblivion. Like yesteryear's tent-shows, Trump's everywhere. Even his performances have performances. But perhaps they aren't performances. Possibly they're rehearsals. Or auditions. Hard to tell.
Because I'm a playwright — and because playwrights keep tabs on casting leads — I've watched Trump closely. And, truthfully, I hope he doesn't end up starring in one of my plays. Why?
Donald Trump ad libs. He can't learn his lines and has trouble sticking to script — any playwright's or actor's nightmare. When unscripted words spill from an actor's mouth, the other actors have to scramble. Adjust. Compensate. Try to make what's-been-said seem intended and on-script. Offstage: Playwrights suffer hot flashes. Did I write anything even close to that? Meanwhile, the ad-libbing actor has greedily appropriated the play and is running with it.
Donald Trump has bad timing. Onstage, timing is everything. The seasoned actor understands both serious and comic timing. Trump confuses the two and has no sense of either. His jokes are badly built and, often, inappropriate. His serious passages often lack punctuated endings. One senses: Donald Trump hasn't studied the script thus has no sense how to time out or play smaller, rising-to-climax moments. And speaking of climaxes …
Donald Trump has little sense of dramatic build. Actors learn that — when they start at a high emotional pitch — they have nowhere to go. Trump ejaculates prematurely again and again — possibly a holdover from his serial escapade years, but all that moaning and heavy breathing into the microphone doesn't serve him well. Also, Trump suffers from severe hyperbole ("the most" … "biggest" … "worst" … "hundreds of thousands"). After any speech's third hyperbole, one's attention wanders … to things like clothing lint. Hyperbole and high emotion stretch audience credibility and trust. And speaking about audience trust …
Donald Trump doesn't know his lines. He leapfrogs in the script. There are odd lapses and pauses. He doesn't finish lines. His stage managers must grow frantic. What did he just say? Where is he? Is he improvising? There is a steadfast theater/acting truth: Actors who can't learn lines don't get cast. Perhaps Trump would do better seeking an improv company.
But improv companies thrive on tight ensemble cohesion. And Trump upstages anyone else daring to be in the room. Benedict Cumberbatch famously stopped a mid-Hamlet soliloquy to ask an orchestra-seat gentleman to either stop texting (his iPhone light was distractingly flashing) or leave the theater. But Cumberbatch was only upstaging a rude patron. Mr. Trump upstages everyone. He spells "team" t-e-I-a-m. At a recent rally, he tried to eject a competing baby. Republican National Committee members attempt to moderate his desperate need for center-stage. But —
Donald Trump does not take direction. Advance spokespeople for his campaign arrive at an event site and tell the press: "Tonight, Donald's going to respond to. …" "Tomorrow morning, Donald will confront the critical issue of. …" "Donald will lay out details for. …" And then — !? Does Trump do as advertised? Who can say? He's a loose cannon. Or perhaps a loose cannonball. Or maybe even an inkblot hoping to become a Rorschach.
Last — in the spirit of any credible loose cannon — Donald Trump hasn't learned (or disregards) his indicated entrances and exits. He's onstage. He's offstage. He's in the wings — thinking about it. Even when the script says, "ENTER DONALD," he may or may not choose to enter. And, in recent weeks, he's been warning that he may exeunt before his exeunt. Those for whom entrances and exits have little meaning are sometimes called nomads. It's possibly clarifying to see Trump as a nomad.
It's odd, watching someone with clear stage-envy having, ultimately, no cohesive theater sense. Donald Trump not only misses his given moments, he creates moments that are unnecessary. He introduces his leading ladies … then dismisses them. He generates remarkable advance sales … then insults entire audience demographics. He introduces his co-star and then treats him like a mere member of the chorus.
I'm going to keep hoping for a ticket to "Hamilton." And any future play of mine is going to feature women. I'm not risking having Donald Trump onstage.
David Kranes is a playwright, fiction writer and writing mentor living with his wife, Carol, in Salt Lake City.