This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2016, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.
How did we wind up with these old people running for president? In 1960, the first election I voted in, Richard Nixon was 47 and John Kennedy was 43 and now, 56 years later, the candidates are mostly my age. Young people are flocking to Bernie Sanders who, given two terms in office, would be Leader of the Free World until age 83, setting a new record — Ronald Reagan was just shy of 78. Where is that new generation of leadership we keep hearing about at college commencements?
They say the voters long for a leader unlike the previous one and so after Nixon the schemer we elected the Baptist deacon. He turned out to be a detail guy and so was succeeded by a guy who thought in terms of Shining Good vs. Very Very Bad. After W, we elected a man who spoke in whole paragraphs. He was 47 when he took office. So now we're longing for elder care and the full disclosure of the presidential prostate and colonoscopy analysis?
Speaking as an old guy, let me just say: Blecchhhhh. And let me add to that: Arghhhh. I don't want a president who is groping for the word that means "no" and rhymes with "mosquito" or who needs to lie down every afternoon. Tell me I'm an ageist and you're right — I come by it honestly, I am that age. It's a cruel age when you go out to dinner with friends and someone says, "Elevator or stairs?" and you shrug and take the stairs though you do feel short of breath and sit down in the restaurant which is clamorous and you can't hear, which is a blessing, because your friends are telling bald-faced lies about how busy and happy they are, writing bad poetry and walking briskly with no particular place to go.
Meanwhile you gaze at the menu — you can afford the steak or lobster, but your metabolism is such that you order one sea scallop with a spoonful of rice and emulsified celery, with a pitted prune for dessert, lest you wake up at 3 a.m. whinnying in pain, begging to be shot and put out of your misery. And now the conversation is about calcium supplements. Chewable or the other kind. I'm dubious about entrusting someone from this age group with our foreign policy.
Listen to me. Old people run for office because they're bored, hanging with their peers. Bernie is tired of the club with Mitch McConnell, 74, Orrin Hatch, 82, John McCain, 79, Charles Grassley, 82, and is having the time of his life on the hustings, a teen idol at last. Fine. But check out that 25th Amendment about presidential disability and how, if the boss' brain turns to tapioca and he crouches behind bushes in the Rose Garden talking to Grover Cleveland, the vice president must conspire with the Cabinet to bounce him out of office. It isn't exactly clear how this would actually work and the thought of three or four months of wrangling about incapacity is not a pleasant prospect. And two candidates seem incapacitated right now.
I remember Election Day 2008 and the vast crowd waiting in Grant Park in Chicago, and that young couple walking out on the big stage with the two little girls trotting alongside. I get misty-eyed just thinking about it. All that it said about our country. My heart went out to them, the two young strivers from the South Side who took the high road and somehow knew exactly what to do in every situation. And how to bring up those girls. The Obamas brought so much juice and style to the White House, and I will miss him in January, a cool president who could write a book and sing in public and show genuine emotion and speak for the nation at crucial times. And be genuinely funny.
As he winds up his presidency, people are thinking more highly of him, except for Republicans, only 11 percent of whom think he's doing a good job compared to 54 percent who look on Mr. Trump favorably. This tells you everything you need to know about the Republican Party. It has fought unceasingly on behalf of ignorance and superstition and Trump is its reward. It's not easy to get people excited about fiscal sobriety, whereas two men arguing about their respective penises is something we can all respond to. Have mercy.
Good luck to the candidates and may the best woman win. She's 68 but women age more gracefully. Just ask your mother.
Garrison Keillor is the host of "A Prairie Home Companion."