This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2015, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.
Last Sunday, the bishop in my LDS ward read the letter from the Brethren spelling out the church's stand on traditional marriage, namely that it should only ever (for now) occur between one man and one woman.
The letter was read in a special gathering right after sacrament meeting, open to all ward members 12 years and older. Although I'm emotionally only about 10, they let me in as well.
I got someone to cover for me in the nursery and sat through the epistle. I already knew what was in it, but wanted to see how fellow congregants took it.
Each ward handled the reading differently. Some bishops reportedly opened the floor for discussion and comment. Our bishop was more direct. He read the letter, offered a short testimony, then told us to get back to Sunday school.
For those with concerns about gay marriage, the bishop suggested the following options: a) re-read the church's Proclamation on the Family, b) study the matter out for ourselves, c) visit privately with local leadership, d) pray, e) adjust our respective medication levels.
I made up e), but it's still a viable option.
Visible reactions to the letter fell into three basic groups. First were those (the majority) who simply nodded in solemn agreement. A few showed signs of genuine concern. Finally, there was the smallest group: me. We all processed the letter internally.
First Group: "Darn right. Name of Jesus Christ, Amen."
Second Group: "That is so sad. What's my [family member] going to do now? I feel sorry for …"
Me: "That part sounds good. Not that. Yeah. Nope. Maybe not. OK. I'll have to think about that one. Whoa, now that part is total bull@$#*&. Hmm, I can handle that bit. Uh-huh. Yeah. Maybe. I don't know …"
I process all direction from authority — both real and imagined — in this manner. I never assume that being in charge automatically makes anyone right. So as long as I have a mind, I'm going to make it up myself.
Agreeing with someone just because they're in charge is the best way I know of to prolong whatever it is that they may have gotten wrong. And let's be clear about that — no group of human beings, regardless of how special they believe themselves to be, ever gets everything right.
Some fellow Mormons may argue that this is the wrong way to heed counsel from church headquarters. Such questioning, if not outright heretical, is at least a precursor to apostasy.
Based on the column I wrote about same-sex marriage a week ago (July 5, 2015), some readers believe that any difference at all is reason for departure.
Reader 1: "If you can't accept the prophet's counsel, just leave the church. What's keeping you in it?"
Reader 2: "I can't understand why you stay Mormon when it is so wrong. You're a smart guy. Why do you stay? Be honest."
OK, I will. In addition to being easy, the answer to both inquiries is the same. I stay for the same reason you stay/leave — because I want to.
I think this is how a relationship with whatever god, spiritual force, idol, crystal, or cause you believe in is supposed to work. Personal relationship first, consensus second. If you get the first one right, you don't need to worry about the second.
Robert Kirby can be reached at rkirby@sltrib.com or facebook.com/stillnotpatbagley.