WANTED:

DEM-BASHING SPOKESMAN

Seeking experienced press secretary for senior Republican senator. Candidates must exhibit outstanding ability to jab Democrats, profess enthusiasm for any decision by President Bush, and exude confidence in talking about the Utah Jazz and vitamin supplements. The ideal candidate will display an affinity for the music written by the esteemed writer/Republican senator from Utah. Please send your résumés to 104 Hart Office Building, Washington, DC, 20510, Attention: The Boss.

You bet your . . .

Hatch is famous for a number of things, including his interesting use of language and his love of the Children's Health Insurance Program. Those two passions intersected this week when he was asked a rather obvious question by a Washington Post reporter.

Would he vote to override a veto on his pet project?

Hatch's response: "You bet your sweet bippy I will."

For those of you who were born after 1973 and

never had Nick-At-Nite, that's an old catch-phrase from Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In.

We're not so sure what a "sweet bippy" really is, but the best Google turned up is that it's an unspecified part of the anatomy. You figure it out.

Drink one for Mitt

In Washington, even the bar scene is all about politics.

So it isn't a surprise that a D.C. hot spot charged up its menu with cocktails named for the 2008 candidates.

The Lotus Lounge, located in the heart of lobbyist-filled K Street, features a "Hillartini," a Cosmopolitan that is, like Hillary Clinton, "pink and feminine, yet strong and bold"; John McCain and his "Straight Talk Express" get a straight-up Martini; and Barack Obama has the "Obama-rama," made with Gray Goose O, Malibu rum, orange juice, cranberry and pineapple - an ode to Obama's youth spent in Hawaii.

Keeping with the theme, Utah's adopted son and Mormon Mitt Romney has "The Romney," a virgin concoction of pineapple juice, cranberry juice and soda. Patrons can add a shot of vodka if they aren't carrying temple

recommends.

When in doubt,

blame the French

Apparently Rep. Rob Bishop, R-Utah, couldn't help himself when he chaired a subcommittee hearing last week about the Statue of Liberty.

The National Park Service has not yet reopened the Lady's famous crown following the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks and Congress isn't too happy about it, according to an ABCNews.com story.

The park service director said the crown's closure had nothing to do with terrorism, rather he was concerned about fire safety.

Bishop's response: "So what you're telling me is the French did a lousy job in the design of the statue?"

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* BURR and CANHAM report for The Tribune from Washington. They can be reached at tburr@sltrib.com or mcanham@sltrib.com.