"Mommy, I'm going to go outside to swing on the swing."

"You can't swing on the swing anymore."

"Why?"

"Because the Legislature says you can't."

"Why?"

"Because monkeys swing from trees and the Legislature feels that if you act too much like a monkey you will begin thinking about evolution."

"What's that?"

"It's a naughty word, according to the Legislature. If you say it anymore, you will have to put a quarter in the naughty-word jar."

"Then I'm going to go play basketball."

"You can't. You have to play soccer instead."

"Why?"

"Because the Legislature says so."

"Why can't I play what I want to play? Why do I have to play what the Legislature says?"

"Did you get elected by the people?"

"No."

"Well, there you go. Oh, and by the way, take your allowance when you go play soccer."

"Why?''

"Because you have to pay for it."

"Why?"

"Because the Legislature says so."

"But I didn't ask for that. Why do I have to pay for something I didn't ask for?"

"Did you get elected by the people?"

"No."

"There you go."

"Well, then I'm going over to the school to talk to Mrs. Smith. She stays after school for hours catching up on her work."

"You can't go to that school anymore."

"Why?''

"Because it's a public school."

"What's the matter with that?

"They're communists."

"Who says?"

"The Legislature says."

"You mean I can't see Mrs. Smith anymore?"

"Nope."

"Why?"

"Because she belongs to a union."

"What's a union?"

"It's another word that if you say again, you will have to put a quarter in the naughty word jar."

"Where can I go to school?"

"You can go to a charter school, as long as it's one that was built and financed by a legislator."

"What if I don't want to go to a charter school?"

"Then you can go to a private school, and we can pay for it with somebody else's money."

"Why?"

"Because the Legislature says so."

"I'm going to my club house."

"You can't belong to any clubs anymore."

"Why?''

"Because there might be gays in the club."

"What's a gay?"

"It's a naughty-word-jar word."

"Why?"

"Because the Legislature says so."

"Is there anything I can do without approval from the Legislature?"

"Just pray, honey. Just pray."

prolly@sltrib.com