"Mas-tur-ba-tion," she said, rolling the "r" with her throaty Swiss accent. In a frank discussion about human sexuality, she said, "it is the most difficult subject to talk about. That's why I'm putting it on the table right now."

What followed at her Weber State University lecture was a thoughtful directive on why everyone should feel free to do it and enjoy it - behind closed doors, please - and why parents shouldn't make their young children feel guilty about it, either.

Talk about an ice-breaker.

Westheimer - she of boundless energy, 4-foot-7 stature and an elfin smile - has been known for more than a quarter-century as "Dr. Ruth," a no-nonsense, straight-talking psychologist and sex therapist. She was educated at the Sorbonne in Paris and Cornell and Columbia universities in psychology and public health. When her grant money at Columbia ran out, Westheimer took a job as research director at Planned Parenthood in New York City. Then in 1980, Westheimer burst onto the pop culture landscape with her nationally syndicated radio advice show, "Sexually Speaking."

She was an instant hit. Suddenly people could call in and stammer over questions about premature ejaculation in total anonymity. She chuckled a lot, encouraged them. Made them feel normal.

Now at age 78, having just finished a third edition of Sex for Dummies, Westheimer is still working the college lecture rounds, urging students to stick to their personal and religious values, but to do all they can to get "sexually literate" - for themselves, for their partners, for society.

Somehow, she hasn't lost a step since the first time I heard her, 26 years ago, on my own college campus. Westheimer was at the pinnacle of her career just then. She did then what she did at WSU - rolled through the vocabulary of her trade -clitoris, penis, orgasm - as if she were diagramming a sentence in English class. Except for this: She's always known how much insecurity swirls around our notions of sex - who's getting it, who isn't and how to make it better. And throwing in some good comic timing never hurts, either.

It's mind-boggling how sex permeates every layer of society, yet human beings still shrink at its honest and healthy portrayal. The electronic sign board on WSU's campus advertised Dr. Ruth not by the "sex therapist" label by which she is known, but as a "relationship expert." Apparently, s-e-x is too spicy a description for commuter traffic on Harrison Boulevard.

Talk show hosts and clergy wring their hands over internet porn addiction, but rarely do they discuss the shame around healthy sexuality that must contribute to the problem.

Here in Utah we have task forces and an attorney general focused on nabbing predators who stalk our children in online chat rooms. All noble and worthwhile efforts. But we also have antiquated state laws and curriculum that prevent honest classroom discussions of sexuality, pregnancy prevention and protection against sexually transmitted diseases. Case in point: Experts who lead school maturation programs are allowed to obliquely mention condoms; any reference on how to use them is strictly forbidden.

Consider how easily an adolescent can link up with a manipulative creep on myspace.com and ask: Would open communication between children and their parents about sex, self-esteem and commitment help steer kids away from such disasters?

Healthy sex is about honesty and education, and you have to think Westheimer will keep shouting that out.

Because as she noted, "sex isn't everything in a relationship." There is companionship, security and child rearing, too. But when sex isn't working, life can be more than a bit off kilter. Says the good doctor: "I'm just carving that out."

hmullen@sltrib.com