"I can see you're busy, so I won't take much of your time," he said. "I'm -. I'm running for -.

"Let me leave some literature."

I'm not going to tell you his name or the office he's seeking. It doesn't matter. I do know he is in a highly competitive race against an incumbent. But if first impressions count for anything, I can't imagine this guy winning in November.

Labor Day was winding down. We had just returned from a long road trip. It was during those lovely few moments of emptying the vehicle of backpacks, fishing rods, sleeping bags, smelly socks, Doritos bags, gum wrappers and Coke cans that Mr. Candidate decided, indeed, to take my time. He started to rail against his opponent in what became a full-on stump speech.

It was an exceedingly bad time to do so. I mean, what part of my huffing and sweating to pull a bike from the roof rack while barking at the 15-year-old to "get out here and do your part!" didn't our friendly politician understand?

Based on the brief driveway exchange, I can tell you I wouldn't vote for the guy in an election for sixth-grade class president. He was a boor. Had no ability to read the slightest body language. A first-rate clod.

Today I offer a primer for political candidates entering the "silly season" - that period between Labor Day and the first Tuesday in November, when campaigns rev into high gear. Now, I am no Karl Rove or James Carville. Campaign strategy is not my game.

But I listen, my time is valuable and I vote. That's what every candidate - seasoned pol or struggling beginner - needs to know at the outset.

First bit of advice: Don't argue with your audience. In the case of the clod-candidate, he decided to square off with me about property taxes as a funding mechanism for TRAX. I told him I supported certain tax increases, and this was one of them. He didn't like my answer, and he wouldn't let it go.

Look, anyone who understands a whit about human behavior knows that people typically feel quite superior and secure in their beliefs, at least during a short visit on the sidewalk.

This was no time for a smack-down. A candidate isn't going to reshape anyone's views that way.

Second tip: Tell me what YOU plan on doing if elected. I don't want to hear you pile on your opponent in the absence of a meaningful platform of your own. If you want to berate the other guy, you might get away with it in a series of pricey and sophisticated TV ads.

But if you want to impress me right now, tell me for instance, how YOU intend to meet the demand of a tidal wave of new students in Utah's underfunded schools during the next decade.

Third: If you must pummel your opponent, try to do it civilly. We are sick to death in this country of ugly and divisive rhetoric. A good rule of thumb would be this: What might your opponent say about you if given the same opportunity? I know, it sounds like a lecture from your mom after catching you in a round of cruel gossip. Well trust me, mom was right.

Finally, respect my limited and valuable time. It is my most treasured commodity, and I guard it wisely. If I'm clearly preoccupied, leave the brochure, look me in the eye and say "I want your vote." Hey, it worked for legendary U.S. House Speaker Tip O'Neill; it just may work for you.

hmullen@sltrib.com