Dan Choi knew his job as a military officer would end once he came out of the closet. He knew he could lose his retirement benefits. He knew he might be forced to pay back the value of his West Point scholarship.

But that was the easy part.

Telling his parents was a much harder ordeal.

Choi recalled the conversation with his father, a Baptist minister, during a Tuesday night lecture at the University of Utah.

"It's the worst sin of all!" Choi shouted, invoking his dad's deep accent as he recounted the evening he told his parents that he would not be marrying a nice Korean girl -- as they always had hoped.

Yes, Choi said, coming out can be painful. But the former Army lieutenant, who made headlines when he revealed his sexual orientation on national television after serving a tour of duty in Iraq as an infantry officer, said it's the duty of gay Americans to stop hiding from hate.

"It's our responsibility to tell," he said. "It is our responsibility to not accept silence."

Audience member Keith deSouza said he will bring Choi's message back to friends who have not come out to their families, friends and co-workers.

"Here is a guy who sacrificed in so many ways -- who served our nation at war and now is serving us again with his courage," said deSouza, a Salt Lake City resident who said he hasn't been welcomed home since coming out to his parents in 2005. "We need to emulate his example. We need to stand up and be counted."

Choi -- the ousted soldier from Orange County, Calif., who still is awaiting final word on his retirement benefits and scholarship -- asked his audience to consider how they would respond, generations from now, if they were to be asked, "What did you do when it was your turn to fight?"

The answer, Choi said, for everyone, straight and gay alike, is clear.

"Don't wait," he said, because the time to start fighting is now.

mlaplante@sltrib.com