When Rep. Jennifer Seelig, D-Salt Lake City, thinks of who would benefit from her so-called gay-rights bill, it's usually not a gay or lesbian couple. It's an elderly widow who leans on a son for support, two sisters who live together and -- perhaps most commonly -- unmarried straight couples like her Rose Park neighbors Joey Behrens and Brent Grabler.

"I live in one of the most diverse districts in the state -- generationally, economically, ethnically," says Seelig, a Democrat who represents Salt Lake City's northwest quadrant. "I want to help give [my constituents] the tools they need to be able to help themselves."

Seelig's HB160 would allow two, unmarried, cohabiting adults -- including nonromantic pairs like mother and son -- to file a "Declaration of Joint Support" with their county recorder. The document would ensure rights of inheritance, hospital visitation and medical decision making.

Behrens and Grabler have been together for 14 years and plan to stay that way for the rest of their lives, but they've chosen not to marry. Still, they would like some of the legal protections -- such as making the tough calls for each other during a medical emergency -- that automatically go to married couples.

"If something were to happen to either one of us, our families [who live out of state] wouldn't necessarily know what our wishes are. It's not something that comes up in casual conversation," Behrens says. "I would count on Brent to make the decisions I want for me."

The couple jointly own their red-brick cottage and care for their dogs, Willis and Bowler, and their cat, Oso. They met at a Led Zeppelin cover-band concert at Salt Lake City's Zephyr Club in 1995, when Grabler was impressed by Behrens' then-shaved scalp.

"I thought, 'I want to meet her,' " Grabler recalls. Despite panning Grabler's "I'm not trying to hit on you" pickup line, Behrens liked Grabler, too.

They're a nontraditional couple who have avoided the "married" label partly because of unpleasant experiences with family divorces.

"In all honesty, I looked at marriage as something that didn't work," Behrens says, noting she also is "turned off" by an institution that's generally not inclusive of gay and lesbian couples.

Opponents of HB160 -- part of a legislative gay-rights push led by advocacy group Equality Utah -- argue unmarried partners and relatives could secure wills and power-of-attorney contracts without the bill.

But drawing up those documents requires paying an attorney thousands of dollars, Seelig notes. As a result, few people make those preparations. By contrast, filing a joint-support declaration would cost only $10.

"Government should facilitate personal responsibility," Seelig says, "not detract from it."

Behrens and Grabler, too, have put off estate planning because of the expense. Behrens is a professional artist and works part time for a nonprofit, social-services provider. Grabler is a foreman at a drywall company.

"Everyone, regardless of whether they have thousands of dollars to spend on an attorney, should be entitled to those rights," Behrens says. "I do see this as an issue that is bigger than just gay rights."

Last week, a coalition of Republican lawmakers -- including Sen. Chris Buttars, R-West Jordan, and Senate President Michael Waddoups, R-Taylorsville -- joined "pro-family" groups in condemning the Common Ground Initiative as "promoting the homosexual agenda and undermining the legal status of marriage in Utah."

But family law scholar Lynn Wardle, a Brigham Young University professor, concludes HB160 would not violate Amendment 3, Utah's constitutional ban on gay marriage.

Wardle, who consulted in the drafting of Amendment 3, has some questions about Seelig's bill, which is scheduled for a public hearing Wednesday before a House committee. He wonders whether filing a joint-support declaration could be seen as creating a relationship "status" and how it affects the inheritance rights of existing family members.

"The thing that I like about [HB160] is it avoids the use of the kind-of-red-flag terms like 'domestic partners' or 'civil unions,' " Wardle says. "Providing benefits that are consistent with the underlying policy of the law makes sense."

Behrens sees a potentially more serious danger to traditional marriage looming than gay unions every time she looks in the mirror . After all, she and Grabler are part of a growing number of straight couples who live together without getting married -- a demographic that jumped 46 percent in Utah from 2000 to 2007, according to the Census Bureau.

Quips Behrens: "We're a bigger threat to traditional marriage than my two gay friends who love each other."

rwinters@sltrib.com