This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2017, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.
I'm feeling really good about myself right now despite the fact that I've done a lot of bad things in my life. Some I did by mistake, some entirely on purpose, and the rest with complete idiocy aforethought.
However, one thing I've never done is gather a few of my friends and have a good time beating up a mentally challenged person. Even at my worst, the idea never occurred to me.
That's why I can look at the mugshots of the four morons in Chicago who got arrested for doing just that and pat myself on the back. I would do just about anything for fun, but I won't do that.
Sounds like a Meat Loaf song, I know. But it's true. Like most human beings, I tend to assess my goodness level based upon the behavior of others. I may be bad, but at least I'm not THAT bad.
Speaking of being bad, it's clear (at least to me) from the suspects' mugshots that a couple of them seem to be catching on to their bad behavior. Meanwhile, the other two are puffed up with bravado.
"Yeah, we're bad. We kidnapped, tied up, and beat the $#@! out of a defenseless human being. You don't want to mess with us."
I wish there were a way of fast-forwarding life to watch the smirks get wiped off those faces. What they did to their victim is nothing compared to what life has in store for them. I pride myself on learning from my crimes, typically in ways so painful that it's been impossible to forget the lesson because I still carry the scars, both physical and mental.
What I haven't learned yet is that life has no sense of justice, particularly when it comes to what I believe justice should be. That's a good thing.
There is no balance in human justice because for us it's largely assessed by emotion and ego. Comparing our behavior to the behavior of others doesn't make us better. It just makes us feel superior. And that isn't really self-improvement.
Being the best human beings we can be is, I believe, the point of life. It works for believers and non-believers, the super-devout and the total atheist.
Going to church and worshiping dogmatically to the point of imbecility makes you no better of a human being than does the sneering superiority expressed by the most ardent free-thinkers.
It isn't what we have (faith, knowledge, devotion) that makes us better human beings, it's what we do with it. Simple possession of a scrap of truth never automatically made the possessor smart enough to put it to good use. That requires serious effort.
Maybe the reason I never forced a mentally challenged person to drink from a toilet is because I had parents who taught me better, or because my life was such that I didn't need to sink that low to make myself feel good.
If so, that still leaves me at the starting gate. All of the other stuff was given to me free of charge. Now it's up to me to do something with it.
But how will I know if what I do is actually making me better? Hell, I don't know. Maybe it's simply finding a way to make other people feel better about themselves. If so, I have a lot of work to do.
Robert Kirby can be reached at rkirby@sltrib.com or facebook.com/stillnotpatbagley.