This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2016, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.
The highly divisive presidential race, complete with its unexpected outcome, unleashed emotions ranging from fear and sadness to relief and elation.
First came the Facebook spats among relatives. Next up: Thanksgiving.
That turkey-fueled holiday in which family members, many who don't see one another regularly, are in the same home for hours at a time. For some, it will be irresistible to talk about President-elect Donald Trump's plans or Hillary Clinton's defeat.
That's stressing out Amber Sorensen, of Orem. Come Thursday, the 26-year-old Democrat and her husband will drive over to her parents' Provo home. About 25 relatives will be there, and she's already clashed with some of them online.
"I am very worried and I have no idea how to handle it," she said. "Mostly I'm just working on a graceful way to say, 'I don't want to talk about this right now.' "
Julie Pugmire, of West Valley City, will host about 15 family members on Thanksgiving. She's an enthusiastic Trump backer, but among her guests will be people who voted for Clinton, independent Evan McMullin and Libertarian Gary Johnson. She fully expects presidential politics to come up, but that doesn't mean there should be any arguments.
"We don't all share the same views," he said, "but we don't have to to be able to get along."
If she is mistaken and her guests start to jab at one another, she plans to "tell everyone to grow up and get over it and act like adults."
Laurel and Mike Hansen have had enough slaps from Republican family members about President Barack Obama. The thought of what might come now that Trump surpassed Clinton is too much to bear.
The Murray couple are skipping the standard 30-person family meal. Instead, they are joining two friends for dinner at the Grand America Hotel.
"It is difficult that you can't even go to a family dinner without hearing all of these horrible things about the candidate you voted for," Laurel Hansen said. "I'm just sick of it."
Thanksgiving tensions are real and likely exacerbated by the recent election, which was "poisonous" and "prolonged," said David Schramm, an assistant professor at Utah State University who focuses on parenting, marriages and family relations.
He offers a few suggestions on how to handle this holiday, starting with recognizing why everyone gets together in the first place.
"It is not as much what occurs at the White House that makes a difference in our daily lives, it matters what happens in our homes," he said. "We could be grateful for what we do have and what we do enjoy."
He acknowledges that isn't always easy to do.
"Our brains are wired to focus on threats, to focus on negativity and it tends to get stuck in our brain longer," he said. "It takes more work to focus on the positive, to find common ground."
And when an argument begins, heart rates go up. Once it reaches about 100 beats a minute, most people lose control of the part of their brain that provides empathy and compassion and the argument can turn into a fight.
Schramm says in those moments it is best to take a few deep breaths and go for a walk. If necessary, leave.
If a clash is expected, he says, setting ground rules can be helpful, adding that politics either won't be discussed or would be discussed in one room, giving others a chance to migrate to another space if they don't want to participate.
If possible, try to make a joke, so long as it doesn't devolve into sarcasm, which could worsen the situation.
Above all, Thanksgiving "should be a safe place where everyone feels welcome and appreciated."
For Fran Pruyn, of Salt Lake City, her Thanksgiving will be smaller than normal. She's traveling to a town outside of Boulder, Colo., where she normally celebrates with a sister, who is in her 60s, and Pruyn's nephews' families.
One of Pruyn's nephews isn't invited this year, fallout from a post-election blowup. The nephew is a Trump supporter, while Pruyn's sister backed Clinton.
"It's the holidays,' she said, a nod to the stereotypical family bickering that can take place this time of year. And yet, she believes the election makes this different.
"It is raw and the [emotional] investments on both sides were so incredibly deep. The left feels betrayed, and I don't know what the right feels because I'm not on that side," she said. "We are all raw. It would be better if Thanksgiving was six months off."
So is her plan to avoid talk of Trump and the election with the family that does gather Thursday? No way, she said.
"We are going to talk about nothing but it."
— This story was informed by sources in the Utah Public Insight Network. To become a news source for The Salt Lake Tribune, go to http://www.sltrib.com/upin.
Twitter: @mattcanham