This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2016, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.

Editor's note: We think Robert Kirby is likely drunk on a beach somewhere. This is a reprint of an earlier column.

A recent worldwide study revealed something to scientists that my wife could have told them for free: Men's brains decline faster than women's. My wife sees this as a major breakthrough in "Duh!" She told me so yesterday when she found a gold tooth on my desk.

HER: "Is this yours?"

ME: "Hang on, I'll check — Yes."

She wanted to know when I lost it. That was a little tougher. I was pretty sure it was in a bar fight when I was a cop, the time Boone and I ...

HER: "That was the original tooth, Mr. Wizard. When did this fall out?"

ME: "Beats me."

HER: "I'd love to."

She called the dentist instead.

The tooth incident replaces last month's "Where the hell is my truck?" incident, when it took three TRAX stops for me to find it. She says in another two years I'll be lucky to remember where I work.

Apparently our brains start out rather evenly, although with some mental strengths particular to gender. For example, men are generally much better when it comes to imagining ways to get hurt. Women are better at reminding them not to do it again.

An article from LiveScience.com reports that men are said to be better at maintaining and manipulating mental images. I can vouch for this. I've had an image of Raquel Welch stuck in my head for years. I can retrieve it whenever I want.

Conversely, women tend to be better at accessing info in their brain files. This helps them remember where stuff is. My wife remembers the location of every pair of socks I ever left on the floor.

The study tested the genders with problems, such as recalling the location of objects in a line drawing, and coming up with a list of objects "usually colored gray."

Women supposedly do better in the latter test. However, in the same time it took my wife to think up "storm clouds," I came up with "whale, Prozac, toolbox, corpse, gun and Grandpa's tongue."

According to the study, which used information gathered from a quarter of a million people, women showed significantly less mental decline in the stuff they're good at as they age.

The study did not say when age-related decline in men's brains begins. However, leading experts — women — believe it starts immediately after saying, "I do."

My personal leading expert says my brain has gotten worse when it comes to maintaining mental images of what not to do, including sharing a large bag of Doritos with the dog.

The study isn't very flattering to men. On the bright side, I now have a legitimate reason for saying, "I don't remember."

Robert Kirby can be reached at rkirby@sltrib.com or facebook.com/stillnotpatbagley