This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2015, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.
With less than 72 hours to go until the morning of the big rip and tear, now is a good time to ask if you have all of your Christmas gifts properly wrapped.
By this I mean wrapped with actual Christmas paper, sparkly ribbon, "To: From:" stickers handwritten in festive calligraphy, and placed prominently under the tree.
I only ask because the Christmas season has entered into a time known as The Wrapture — the final grueling days when Christmas fanatics race the clock to get everything wrapped regardless of size, value or common sense.
The Wrapture can be an overwhelming time, when you'll possibly say "The hell with it," slap a Post-it note on a Cartier watch or lace nightie, and sling it with great indifference under the tree.
Countless Christmases have been ruined because someone who failed to have the true spirit of Xmas in their heart gave someone else 1,000 bucks that was still in the bank's cash-withdrawal envelope and didn't even have a bow.
Note: I don't have the names of anyone who has actually had a Christmas ruined in this manner, but then I'm not a member of the Christmas police.
If you are afflicted with a form of OCD known as CWAP, or Christmas Wrapping And Presentation, you'll spend the rest of the holidays filled with self-loathing because you didn't make time to meticulously wrap the 200 gifts you purchased.
If you're one of the estimated 135 million American CWAP sufferers (almost all of them women), there is hope. Heed The Wrapture and begin immediately. There's still a small chance that you will get every gift wrapped by Thursday, Dec. 24, at 11:59 p.m.
Keep your wits about you during this otherwise frantic time. This is especially true when wrapping presents that will be "From Santa."
Sloppy wrapping of presents from Santa can lead to a gateway doubt to complete disbelief in the big guy. Many children have seen their shabbily wrapped presents and been forced to consider the possibility that Santa's elves don't have opposable thumbs.
It happened to me the first time I opened a gift that had a price tag on it. I knew Santa didn't work for Sears.
To help get you through The Wrapture, here are some things you will need. Keep in mind that these are just the basics:
Scissors, razor blade, ruler, protractor, invisible adhesive tape, origami lessons, twine, assorted boxes, forceps, 100 feet of ribbon, expensive wrapping paper and anti-psychotic meds.
CWAP sufferers can usually hide their affliction because it generally manifests itself only when they're alone and behind locked doors, wrapping against the clock.
But there's a flip side to this disorder. People with CWAP often take an infuriating amount of care unwrapping a gift, as if they were unwinding a fragile mummy or defusing a bomb when in reality it's just some #%@* Tupperware.
They carefully peel away tape, untie ribbon, open the wrapping along the folds, and pile it neatly beside them. I once watched my mother-in-law take 20 minutes to open a bag of socks.
The problem is that this behavior happens while surrounded by family and friends. Nothing spoils that special CWAP moment like a rousing Christmas-morning beating from people fed up with waiting for their turn to celebrate peace on earth.
Robert Kirby can be reached at rkirby@sltrib.com or facebook.com/stillnotpatbagley.