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If you're worried about Syrian refugees coming to your town soon, there just may be a solution. I don't know why I didn't think of it before.

First, let me just say that a group of people fleeing starvation and slaughter in their own country should always be regarded with deep suspicion.

Everyone who's read a history book knows that gathering children and abandoning livelihoods in an effort to reach safety is the first sign of an ulterior motive. I offer as proof the British, Irish, French, Italians and Lebanese.

Maybe that's why I consider the suggestion by Roanoke, Va., Mayor David Bowers to put Syrian refugees in internment camps to be a good one.

"I'm reminded that President Franklin D. Roosevelt felt compelled to sequester Japanese foreign nationals after the bombing of Pearl Harbor," Bowers said in a statement. "And it appears that threat of harm to America from ISIS now is just as real and serious as that from enemies then."

Note to Dave: It wasn't just foreign nationals. American citizens got locked up during World War II. The criteria was based almost entirely on the shape of one's face.

Another way of putting it is, do we need to do something this stupid again? As a recognized expert in stupidity, I say yes. Put the Syrian refugees in a camp for our own good.

Forced internment of bothersome people has worked so well in the past. Consider, if you will, how well American Indians thrived after they were forced onto reservations.

And let us not forget the benefits derived from more than a century of forced segregation, a fact that black Americans still thank us for today. Are we benevolent or what?

Internment. Isolation. Confinement. Sequestering. Holding. However you choose to think about it, you must concede that locking people in some ideological basement is the spirit upon which America was founded.

Never mind the Syrians. Or the Mexicans. Or even the #%@* Canadians like my wife who sneak down here to infiltrate and leech off our system. We could solve our own domestic problems by resurrecting the internment camp idea.

Everyone realizes, I'm sure, the threat to our moral society from all the irritating noises the LGBT community is making about equality. Rather than allowing them to destroy the world by thoroughly annoying God, we should put them in camps.

Nice camps, of course. Ones with well-appointed tents and tar-paper shacks. Maybe a toilet or two, and a communal well.

Ooh, yeah. What about a camp for registered Democrats? Everything Obama has done to destroy America he did at the bidding of Democrats. Internment for them/me as well, I say.

What? Yes, I'm willing to be sequestered if it makes an easily frightened, overly selfish and criminally xenophobic part of this great country feel better.

Camps for Mexicans, Jews, Mormons, Catholics, atheists, Muslims and HIV positive people would make America, if not safer, at least more enjoyable for true Americans.

If internment camps prevent even one American from contracting AIDS, reading a scandalous book, or opting for some whole other idea about God, then it was worth it. Right?

This is going to catch on, people. With enough internment camps, America will be truly safe. Those not destined to be confined should consider investing in barbed wire.

All ... both of you.

Robert Kirby can be reached at rkirby@sltrib.com or facebook.com/stillnotpatbagley.