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The Boy Scouts of America recently announced the appearance of a new Scouting award. Beginning this summer, the BSA will offer a merit badge in Human Sexuality.

The badge, which will be required for advancement to Eagle Scout, consists of 40 hours studying the various forms of human sexual behavior.

In a quote I made up entirely, a top BSA official said, "We hope this merit badge will promote greater understanding of all forms of sexual expression, although it's beyond me why any teenage boy would actually need help with this."

If I had to guess — and since I made all of this up, I do — the BSA probably hopes the new merit badge will open the door to inclusion of gay men as Scouting leaders. Currently, gay men are prohibited from all forms of camping within 5,000 yards of a Scout troop.

The LDS Church, which opposes any form of sexual practice not solely limited to heterosexual reproduction (including lurid dreams, impure thoughts, etc.), is considering its options should the BSA allow gay Scout leaders.

With an estimated half a million Mormon Boy Scouts, it's a big concern. What would Mormon male adolescence be without Scouting?

One of those options is for the LDS Church to discontinue its association with the BSA. Although I was a Boy Scout, and rocketed to the rank of Second Class in just three years, cutting ties to the BSA is OK with me.

I say this because the LDS Church doesn't need Scouting as much as Scouting needs the LDS Church. The Utah-based faith contributes $8.3 gazillion annually to the BSA, most of which goes to executive salaries. I'm still checking on this, but it sounds about right.

Mormons were involved in organized Scouting long before Sir Robert Baden-Powell (a guy with some serious sexual confusion of his own) invented it in 1907.

That was 60 years before Baden-Powell. The biggest difference being that what he called Scouting we referred to as "emigrating," or according to my Mormon ancestors, "Where the #%$@ are we going now?"

Mormon pioneers practically invented hauling stuff into the great outdoors and trying to make a go of it. We crossed the plains, fought wild animals, upset the local inhabitants, started enormous fires and practiced roundly condemned anti-social behavior long before it became a popular youth program.

It wouldn't take much for the church to start its own camping and knot-tying plan for young men and women. For the sake of whatever, let's call the church's new outdoor part of the gospel plan "Pioneering."

First, we would need structure and awards. How hard could that be?

For example, the Mormon version of the Eagle award might be the "Seagull" award, as in, "The former Seagull Pioneer and business leader was sentenced to 25 years in federal prison for ... "

Other ranks could be Telestial, Terrestrial, Celestial and even Supreme Being. One thing Mormons are good at is qualifying progress by rank.

Mormon Pioneering merit badges might consist of things like "Automatic Obedience," "Church Activity," "Moral Compassing," "Wilderness Testifying," "Holy Ghost Husbandry" and "Bathroom Stall Modesty."

The program would help prepare young men and women for missions by teaching them how to relieve themselves in the weeds, eat nearly inedible food, and sleep well among vermin.

Best of all, it wouldn't cost very much to do this. Mormons operate almost entirely with unpaid volunteers. Top Pioneering executives wouldn't get paid millions either, because the church could just call them on a mission.

It's a great plan. I'm just glad that I'm too young and too old to go through it now.

Robert Kirby can be reached at rkirby@sltrib.com or facebook.com/stillnotpatbagley. Find his past columns at http://www.sltrib.com/lifestyle/kirby