This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2015, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.

Through no fault of mine, Sonny had his knee replaced on Thursday. It was one of those expired geezer warranty things rather than a recent injury. As we age, some parts just wear out faster than others.

When I called to see if he survived the surgery, he sounded heavily medicated. Maybe that explains his answer when I asked if he wanted me to write a note excusing him from work for the next three weeks.

"No. Unlike you, people believe me when I tell them I'm sick."

He has a point. People don't automatically believe me. There are always questions about the nature of my illness.

If I'm too sick to work — which some of you think should be every time I sit down to write — I call my editor and let her know that I need to take the day off. The last time I did this was because of the flu. She heard me barfing on the phone.

Calling in sick is a fairly easy process for me. I have to answer but three questions. Is it something serious? How long do I expect to be out/down/off? Finally, am I only pretending to be sick when in truth I'm actually in jail?

As with my wife, I'm always honest with my editor. Lying to either of them is the one guaranteed way I know to make whatever is wrong with me instantly worse.

What I don't have to do is get a note from my doctor to prove that I was sick. Apparently that's not true for Pizza Hut employees in Canada.

When an employee went to his doctor for the note (as per company policy), the doctor obliged in a manner that has gone viral.

The doctor, whose identity is blurred out in the note, basically said that the employee had a cold and sensibly stayed home from work, but then demanded to know what the hell was wrong with Pizza Hut?

"... you feel his time and mine should be wasted by making him sit in the walk-in clinic for hours and me spending time writing a sick note that I could be spending on people who genuinely need my attention."

Unfortunately, this idiocy is not limited to Canada where the idea for such a policy might be blamed on the effects of sub-zero temperatures or having one's skull gnawed by a polar bear.

Nope, it also happens around here. Doctors notes to prove illness has become so problematic that websites offering fake doctor notes are increasing. Check out bestfakedoctornotes.net if you don't believe me. But be careful.

Fake doctor notes is, of course, a modern version of having a friend write a note excusing you from class the previous day because you were sick when you were actually just passed out under the bleachers.

Example: "Please excuse Robert Kirby from 5th, 6th, 7th periods and detention yesterday as he had a doctor's appointment. Signed: Mrs. Kirby."

In 10th grade, Eddy M. would write a note like this for two dollars or a pack of Marlboros. I was able to miss most of a semester because of his effeminate cursive handwriting. Unfortunately, what Edwin didn't have was any real knowledge of the medical profession.

One morning I presented an Edwin note to the admissions office saying that I had missed school the day before because of an appointment with an obstetrician instead of an optician.

When that happened, there wasn't a note or an illness on Earth that could excuse me from the Old Man and summer school.

Robert Kirby can be reached at rkirby@sltrib.com or facebook.com/stillnotpatbagley. Find his past columns at http://www.sltrib.com/lifestyle/kirby