This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2016, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.

Utah has failed to make the grade once again. Among a list of the 50 worst U.S. cities to live in, the Beehind State was unsuccessful in achieving a single mention.

According to the list posted by news website 24/7 Wall St., the top five worst U.S. cities to live in are Miami; Detroit; Paterson, N.J.; Hawthorne, Calif.; and Fall River, Mass.

The list was based on factors such as income, housing costs, poverty and education. Not a single Utah city — no, not even Provo — made the list. Check it out at http://247wallst.com/special-report/2016/06/28/the-worst-cities-to-live-in/.

It gets better. Despite a concerted effort on the part of Sonny and me, Utah is among the least violent states in the country. We made it into the bottom five, which include states like Maine and Minnesota, states heavily influenced in their violence by their proximity to Canada.

Calm down. None of this means that Utah can't be a terrible place to live. People are quick to complain about our shortcomings.

In most cases, it's based on nothing more than personal tastes rather than measurable statistics or experience. People who claim Utah is the worst place they've ever lived haven't gotten around much.

I like living in Utah. I base my decision on having been a military brat and forced to live in some really awful places. Take today's weather, for example. It's hot. In fact, it's $%#@& hot. But I'm certainly not thinking, "Stupid Utah weather. I wish I was back in Barstow, Calif., right now."

This doesn't mean that I consider Utah the perfect place to live. There's lots I find annoying. I just try not to whine about it too much. On top of everything else, it's depressing.

So, I came up with a list: Kirby's Top Five Zion Downers.

Note: Some of what follows I got from being stuck someplace with Sonny and having to listen to him rant when he's drunk, but most of it is mine. You've probably got your own list.

5. Wasatch Front traffic • Kudos to Brigham Young's foresight in making Salt Lake City's streets wide and in a relatively easy to navigate grid pattern. But why couldn't he have foreseen the need to avoid jamming it all into the geographical squeeze chute that is the Great Salt Lake and the Wasatch Mountains? Didn't he know there were going to be this many people?

4. Grammar • It took a long time for me to get used to "we was" and "I seen." Granted, these are all Utah colloquialisms, but they're a lot harder on the ear than the soft southern pronunciations of "y'all" and "over yonder." It's especially aggravating to hear a state legislator say, "We seen we was gonna need to raise taxes."

3. State Legislature • Speaking of which, the Utah Legislature is on this list. Legislating change in Utah is like digging around in a trilobite bed.

2. Too many white people • When I moved here in 1970, I suffered from major sensory deprivation. I was accustomed to a broader cross-section of race and culture. My personal favorites are Latinos and Greeks, but we could also do with a lot more Asians and blacks.

1. Too many Mormons • Finally, my top Utah aggravator. Even though I'm LDS, there are way too many Mormons here. The church keeps sending us away on missions, but we keep coming back. Diversity is a good thing, but it can't be appreciated if it's almost impossible to find.

That's my list. Like I said, you probably have one of your own. The secret to enjoying Utah is the same as anywhere else — keep the list as short as possible.

Robert Kirby can be reached at rkirby@sltrib.com or facebook.com/stillnotpatbagley.