This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2015, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.

Although high schools don't really offer course majors, I had one when I was a teenager. I majored in Smoking, with a minor in "Cutting Class to Smoke."

I was that kind of kid and had the GPA to prove it. Smoking wasn't a high school major suited for just anyone, in large part because of the cost.

If a guy's parents didn't smoke — and mine didn't — he couldn't resort to stealing their cigarettes. He had to pay for his own. And there were no student loans or scholarships for it. By the time graduation came around, a guy could be deep in debt.

A pack of cigarettes cost 39 cents when I was in high school. Sounds cheap, but that was a lot of money back when the minimum wage was a $1.50 an hour. I had to mop floors and catch rats for nearly a half-hour to afford a pack.

Then there were other associated costs. If your class in Lunch Hour Marlboros was interrupted by, say, a really fast gym teacher, you might end up having to do a double major in After School Detention.

Note: Although it was impossible to outrun coaches Schmidt and Walker, I could easily outrun Mr. Middleton. Not that it mattered. He knew who I was, and would later drag me out of Mr. Pendleton's fifth-period shop class.

Even when I wasn't directly observed smoking, I still had to disguise the odor on my breath and clothing.

A teacher — who shall remain unnamed — once demanded I hand over my illegal cigarettes. He knew I'd been smoking because I smelled "like an ashtray."

It was rude of him to say that. I tried being more tactful by suggesting that it would be more accurate of him to say I smelled like a "grass tray."

I should have shut up and just accepted the insult. The retort not only got my locker searched and a lecture from a sheriff's deputy, but also more detention.

I told you all of that to tell you this: Smoking has changed since I majored in it at school. Electronic smoking — or "vaping" — is all the rage now.

At a TRAX station last week, I watched a kid fire up a cigarette. He didn't even need a match. It was one of those vapor inhaler tubes that's supposed to be (but isn't necessarily) healthier than a regular old fashioned Camel Filter. I was curious.

Me: "You mind if I ask how that works? Vaping, is it?"

Him: "#%$@ off, man. It's, like, none of your business how old I am."

When I got J.J., 16, to calm down, he gave me a demonstration. It seemed remarkably simple. Load, turn on, drag, turn off. I found myself wishing e-cigs had been around when I was his age.

For one thing, there's no smell to vaping. That alone would have saved me detention hours at school, and even the occasional whack to the head from the Old Man.

Finally, according to J.J. — who, it turns out is every bit the clueless idiot I was in high school — there's less "bad stuff" in e-cigs.

"It's almost healthy, man," he said.

Then came the shocker. J.J.'s electronic smoking kit, which he had his older sister buy for him, cost only around $150.

I did the math. When I was J.J.'s age, 150 bucks would have got me roughly 385 packs of Kools, or 7 ½ ounces of relatively decent grass.

Me: "Kid, are you nuts?"

J.J.: "Yeah, but that included an 1800 integrated battery and a max 100 level of output. It also dissipates heat better, and includes an extra-large capacity tank. Dude, it's even got a USB charging cable."

I'm glad I graduated high school when I did. Apparently, I'm neither cool enough nor smart enough to afford smoking now.

Robert Kirby can be reached at rkirby@sltrib.com or facebook.com/stillnotpatbagley.