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Robert Kirby

Last Updated Feb 22, 2017 11:27PM

I was 5 years old the first time I knocked myself unconscious. I don’t recall the incident beyond a dim memory of the world blowing up. My family was on a ship bound for Spain. According to my parents, I was running up and down a passageway when the boat lurched one way and I another — straight into an iron railing. To this day, the Old Man insists that it made a noise like hitting an empty oil drum. Consciousness returned with a hazy sense of detachment. Off in …

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  • Robert Kirby Kirby: Never mind the blessings — curses have been handy
    Editor’s note • Robert Kirby took a little time off last week. This is a reprint of an earlier column. Following last week’s column, a woman wrote t...
    Updated Feb 19 2017 10:28 am   |     |   Share
  • Kirby’s Disturbing History: A waitress gets spanked with a meat cleaver
    Editor’s note • Every Saturday, Salt Lake Tribune columnist Robert Kirby pulls out long-forgotten pieces of history to give readers a glimpse of life,...
    Updated Feb 21 2017 11:42 am   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: This column is my protest
    One of the reasons I like writing — especially when it comes to hotly debated issues — is that only one person gets to “talk” at a time. Expressing s...
    Updated Feb 16 2017 07:00 am   |     |   Share
  • ((Ryan Galbraith | Tribune file photo)  ) Police and emergency vehicles flood 500 South after the deadly shooting spree at Salt Lake City’s Trolley Square in 2007. Kirby: A decade after Trolley Square shooting, it’s what happens now that matters
    I’ve seen a lot of terrible stuff in my life, things I’ll never be able to un-see for the simple reason that they insist on periodically revisiting me...
    Updated Feb 13 2017 12:27 pm   |     |   Share


MORE ROBERT KIRBY COLUMNS
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    This week in 1917: Two unidentified women speed past the Nelson Café, 15 W. 200 South, and fire a bullet through the front window, which barely misses...

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  • Kirby’s Disturbing History: Death and destruction — but the cat is OK
    This week in 1967: More than a year after losing their beloved cat in Kanosh while moving to Salt Lake City from California, the Rosvall family receiv...

    Updated Feb 13 2017 12:28 pm   |     |   Share
  • Kirby: I’ve solved America’s immigration problem
    I have a letter from the White House on my desk. At least I think it is. I might have it confused with a piece of junk mail. That’s close enough. An...
    Updated Feb 02 2017 07:58 am   |     |   Share
  • (Rick Egan  |  The Salt Lake Tribune)    Robert Kirby, holds kittens, on their way to a delivery, by at Uber car, on National Cat dayThursday, October 29, 2015.  Kirby: My bark is less effective than Jesus’ bite
    I’m coming up on my third year serving in the nursery of my LDS ward (Pioneer 6th). After all this time, I’m not sure if I was called into the nursery...
    Updated Jan 29 2017 09:16 am   |     |   Share
  • Kirby’s Disturbing History: Brawling over kittens
    This week in 1942: Hundreds of Japanese, German and Italian residents of Utah report to post offices to re-register. The protests made during the firs...

    Updated Jan 27 2017 10:34 pm   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: Screw elections — our next president should be a woman
    Now that President Donald Trump has officially taken office — in a move many believe to be the worst moment in the entire history of the universe — it...
    Updated Jan 25 2017 11:07 pm   |     |   Share
  • (Scott Sommerdorf   |  The Salt Lake Tribune)   The LDS temple on Temple Square, Friday, November 27, 2015. Kirby: Making fun of you isn’t the same as making fun of God
    Years ago, I was asked to serve as a volunteer at an LDS family history center in Utah County. Every Tuesday night it was my job to help people search...
    Updated Jan 25 2017 08:14 am   |     |   Share
  • Kirby’s Disturbing History: This town don’t welcome fortunetellers
    Lee Hoffman, 25, escapes from Salt Lake Police headquarters and is pursued by the oldest detective on the force, F.M. Schultz. Seeing Schultz fall in ...

    Updated Jan 20 2017 11:02 pm   |     |   Share
  • Kirby’s Disturbing History: Brawling over kittens
    This week in 1942: Hundreds of Japanese, German and Italian residents of Utah report to post offices to re-register. The protests made during the firs...

    Updated Jan 27 2017 10:34 pm   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: Screw elections — our next president should be a woman
    Now that President Donald Trump has officially taken office — in a move many believe to be the worst moment in the entire history of the universe — it...
    Updated Jan 25 2017 11:07 pm   |     |   Share
  • (Scott Sommerdorf   |  The Salt Lake Tribune)   The LDS temple on Temple Square, Friday, November 27, 2015. Kirby: Making fun of you isn’t the same as making fun of God
    Years ago, I was asked to serve as a volunteer at an LDS family history center in Utah County. Every Tuesday night it was my job to help people search...
    Updated Jan 25 2017 08:14 am   |     |   Share
  • Kirby’s Disturbing History: This town don’t welcome fortunetellers
    Lee Hoffman, 25, escapes from Salt Lake Police headquarters and is pursued by the oldest detective on the force, F.M. Schultz. Seeing Schultz fall in ...

    Updated Jan 20 2017 11:02 pm   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: Once I understood Martin Luther King Jr., I understood what America should be
    My earliest memories of Martin Luther King Jr. are of dogs, firehoses, police and the KKK shouting idiotically about some imminent threat to America. ...
    Updated Jan 18 2017 10:34 pm   |     |   Share
  • (Chris Detrick  |  The Salt Lake Tribune)   Salt Lake Tribune columnist Robert Kirby at The Falls Event Center Tuesday December 20, 2016.  Kirby: Wait’ll you see how much the Mormon church pays me
    Despite the fact that I have in ways large, small, and painful, worked for the LDS Church my entire life, I’ve never received a penny from it. Not eve...
    Updated Jan 15 2017 09:17 am   |     |   Share
  • Kirby’s Disturbing History: A bald burglar and a mysterious blast
    Editor’s note • Every Saturday, Salt Lake Tribune columnist Robert Kirby pulls out long-forgotten pieces of history to give readers a glimpse of life,...
    Updated Jan 17 2017 11:09 am   |     |   Share
  • Robert Kirby Kirby: If I had a Twitter, I’d use it to send Donald Trump one message
    You know what I want in a president? I want someone who is so busy running the country that he or she doesn’t have time to tweet about movie stars tal...
    Updated Jan 11 2017 10:36 pm   |     |   Share
  • Kirby: I may be bad, but at least I’m not THAT bad
    I’m feeling really good about myself right now despite the fact that I’ve done a lot of bad things in my life. Some I did by mistake, some entirely on...
    Updated Jan 08 2017 09:19 am   |     |   Share
  • Kirby’s Disturbing History: There’s nothing more exciting than ice-skating to phonograph music
    This week in 1992: Upset at being served decaf at the Olympus Care Center, a 33-year-old man returns and sets fire to the place — three days in a row....

    Updated Feb 06 2017 06:34 pm   |     |   Share
  • (Courtesy photo)    Robert Kirby in 1989, at the height of fashion. Kirby: There’s nothing left of the cool me except embarrassing pictures
    This is me in 1989. I was the editor of a Utah County weekly and sporting what wasn’t quite a mullet. I look like a dork, or at least a younger versio...
    Updated Jan 05 2017 09:54 am   |     |   Share
  • (The Salt Lake Temple is seen in a long exposure night shot at Temple Square, Sunday March 23, 2008.   Jeremy Harmon/The Salt Lake Tribune)  Kirby: Here’s my 2017 Mormon church manual
    As unbelievable as it actually is, I’ve been approached by the LDS Church to participate in developing a new Sunday school manual titled “Fundamentals...
    Updated Jan 03 2017 09:45 am   |     |   Share