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Here's the truth about what BYU can do to make itself more attractive to the presidents of the Big 12, increasing its chances for inclusion in the conference and making its position more acceptable. Not just acceptable to those outside its community, but those inside it, too:

Soften the language in its honor code. Leave some parts out and administer the remaining parts with a little more kindness and understanding.

It wouldn't be that difficult, and it would relieve problems moving forward, at least some of the problems that will only intensify over time.

BYU doesn't have to betray or deny the fundamental doctrinal positions of its owner and operator, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, to make the adjustments, the same way Notre Dame, the Catholic Church's flagship school, and Baylor, a prominent Baptist university, have made them.

There are some ecclesiastical gymnastics required with those other schools, whose sponsoring religions essentially dictate that gay and lesbian relationships should remain non-sexual in nature. And, yet, they find room, to a certain extent, to embrace LGBT individuals, to make them feel accepted and safe, regardless of what the churches' dug-in doctrinal positions are. That embrace may not be as broad and warm as some wish it were, but it reaches far enough for those schools to be in league with other universities with just enough impunity.

There are better reasons to build bridges, even complex ones, than just inclusion in a college sports league, but that kind of connection is significant. It could, in BYU's case, help move the school to a less-isolated position regarding an issue that will not ease or evaporate in more comprehensive realms in the years ahead.

Maybe football, then, can nudge that kind of positive movement.

When a group of gay and lesbian advocacy groups sent a letter last month to the Big 12, urging the conference not to invite BYU because of its intolerance of homosexual behavior, school spokesperson Carri Jenkins responded to Salt Lake Tribune inquiries with this email: "BYU welcomes as full members of the university community all whose conduct meets university standards. We are very clear and open about our honor code, which all students understand and commit to when they apply for admission. One's stated sexual orientation is not an issue."

Acting on it, though, is.

One of the more difficult and damaging passages in BYU's honor code is the last part of this: "Homosexual behavior is inappropriate and violates the Honor Code. Homosexual behavior includes not only sexual relations between members of the same sex, but all forms of physical intimacy that give expression to homosexual feelings."

That second sentence certainly could be dropped. And the first could be written differently.

Baylor had similar language in its student code until 2015, when it was altered. That school's sexual conduct policy now reads: "Baylor will be guided by the biblical understanding that human sexuality is a gift from God and that physical sexual intimacy is to be expressed in the context of marital fidelity. Thus, it is expected that Baylor students, faculty and staff will engage in behaviors consistent with this understanding of human sexuality."

The way that policy is applied, the school says, is "interpreted by the Baptist University in a manner consistent with the Baptist Faith and Message of 1963," a document from the Southern Baptist Convention. That doctrine defines marriage as "the uniting of one man and one woman in covenant commitment for a lifetime."

With a football program every league covets, Notre Dame's policy on "Sexual Activity" reads: "The University embraces the Catholic Church's teaching that a genuine and complete expression of love through sex requires a commitment to a total living and sharing together of two persons in marriage. Consequently, students who engage in sexual union outside of marriage may be subject to referral to the University Conduct Process."

As a part of a "comprehensive pastoral plan" launched earlier this year, Notre Dame is attempting to offer more support and services for LGBT students and staff. The plan states, "… the University is committed to fostering an environment of welcome and mutual respect that is grounded in its Catholic mission." It calls for all students to be "friends and allies" of one another.

At the same time, the plan urges students to "understand and live the teachings of the Church relative to their lives and expressions of sexual intimacy." It reinforces the church's teaching that, "Sexuality is ordered to the conjugal love of man and woman. In marriage the physical intimacy of the spouses becomes a sign and pledge of spiritual communion."

Point is, Notre Dame wants to support LGBT students, even as the Catholic Church doctrinally leans a different way.

BYU can do whatever it wants. And it should.

But maybe it also can live and learn from others, backing off the language a bit. Maybe it can provide love and support and safety for those who identify as LGBT — remember, "one's stated sexual orientation is not an issue" — shading without appearing to cave in to outside pressure or betraying its church's basic tenets and doctrines. That might give hope to concerned people in and around the BYU community — and those outside of it, too — who are troubled by what is interpreted by many as too harsh a stance, preferring instead to make charity a virtue that trumps everything else.

It's a tight rope, a nuanced walk forward, to be sure. But in the finest of Christian traditions, a compassionate extended open hand is almost always better than an aggressive, angry clenched fist.

GORDON MONSON hosts "The Big Show" with Spence Checketts weekdays from 3-7 p.m. on 97.5 FM and 1280 AM The Zone. Twitter: @GordonMonson. —

'BYU doesn't have to betray or deny the fundamental doctrinal positions of its owner and operator, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, to make the adjustments, the same way Notre Dame, the Catholic Church's flagship school, and Baylor, a prominent Baptist university, have made them.'